Apple's iPhone-satellite watch is a dud

Electronic watches run on a crystal that keeps dead-accurate time. Your standard dollar-store watch -- $9, or $340 less than the cheapest Apple Watch -- tells the time just as accurately as the Apple Watch.

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Starting our fourth decade: Al Fasoldt's reviews and commentaries, continuously online since 1983

Apple's iPhone-satellite watch is a dud

March 22, 2015

By Al Fasoldt
Copyright © 2015, Al Fasoldt

The big talk among Apple fans is the Apple Watch.

Bippy doo. Unless you own an iPhone 5 or 6 and always wear a watch, this sort of talk is nothing but fiddle faddle.

If the Apple Watch worked all on its own -- if it could take phone calls and do text messages, that kind of thing, without needing its Big Brother iPhone in your pocket -- it would be one of those Wondrous Must-Have Tech Toys I love to write about.

But Apple really thinks you are dim. First, the cheapest Apple Watch costs $349. A watch at any price is just a bangle unless it tells the time accurately. And Apple says its watch tells the time accurately.

Good for Apple! But some of us out here in the boonies have pretty good recall. I remember something basic about all electronic watches: They run on a crystal that keeps dead-accurate time. Your standard dollar-store watch ($9, or $340 less than the cheapest Apple watch) also tells the time accurately.

But of course it doesn't have the picture of an Apple on the back. Let's leave out the requirement for an iPhone 5 or 6; you already know the cost of admission for those. Let's just figure that an Apple logo costs $340. (Or more, of course -- up to $17,000 more, if your name is Jay Z or Warren Buffett.)

Paired with the iPhone 5 or 6, the Apple watch can do some cool tricks. Without those phones, not so many.

If you wear a watch, that is. Most people use their cell phone when they want to know the time. Apple's core allegiance is among young people, and they don't wear watches. Fuddy-duddies like me don't wear them. So Apple obviously wants to change the way the world tells time -- just sell everybody some iPhone 5 or 6 models along with an Apple Watch, and then hope that little Apple logo will carry the day.

Hey! I'll take two!

Don't you find this a little ridiculous?

But if you still want one, you can preorder your choice on April 10. Don't forget to have that iPhone 5 or 6 handy.