HOME TOPICS SEARCH ABOUT ME MAIL I am Dr. Gizmo, enemy of scammers. I wish you bad luck. Have a bad day!

technofile Al Fasoldt's reviews and commentaries, continuously available online since 1983 R e t r o s p e c t I v e Dr. Gizmo looks back on a decade of advice and wisecracks … and love for the stuff that makes the world go 'round By Al Fasoldt Copyright © 2006 By Al Fasoldt Revised, with comments at end The original biography of the doctor, from a 1998 retrospective (how many does the guy need?) Advice to the tech-lorn from the mysterious H.H. Gizmo, PhD. Dr. Gizmo's advice column on consumer technology has appeared in the Syracuse Newspapers for years. Because he values anonymity, the doctor has never revealed his identity, nor has he ever listed his qualifications. Even his PhD. is suspect, and some have insisted it refers to what legions of readers call Gizmo's "phony doctorate."    The only known photo of Dr. Gizmo is of poor quality (having been taken without benefit of a camera during what the doctor asserts was a visit to the Sierra Nada a'Lada foothills), but does seem to show a man who would not know a PhD. if he bit one. But what the doctor does know is gadgets and gizmos. He once remarked that he was proud to have founded the science of gizmology, which he defined as the profligate study of alterior miscreations. No one, not even the doctor, knows quite what that means.    The doctor's super-professionally designed Web pages (created by R.U. Sariyet, an equally mysterious figure) are hosted by his associate and sometime partner, Al Fasoldt. If you are looking for Al's Web pages for information and file downloads, look here. Because the doctor refuses to indulge the Internet postal system, he relies on Al's sometimes fallible goodness to collect, disseminate and, sometimes, read his mail. CATEGORY 1: KINDNESSES Feb. 18, 2004 I am writing this from Bangalore, India. Through a Google search, I came to know about you. Please accept my heartiest congratulations and appreciations for sharing your vast knowledge and being the our great master and guide of technology (Guru in our Indian term). May god bless you with all the fruits of life. -- N.G.E., via sancharnet.in The doctor has many gurus of his own to thank for many years of guidance, and wishes N.G.E. a happy life, too. April 21, 2004 You are the only reason that I buy the Sunday paper! P.R., via cnyconnect.net Dec. 20 , 2000   We all depend on you and you cohort for various items of computer information, and we all take you for granted, never saying thanks for your help. So I am taking this opportunity to do just that: Thanks for your help from time to time, not only thru e-mails but through your newspaper columns and your alter ego's TV and radio shows. It is amazing to me in this complicated computer age, that here in Syracuse are there so few people that we novices can turn to for help. I hope that you and Mrs. Gizmo have a wonderful Christmas. -- B.M., via Dellnet Dec. 24, 2003    I accidentally ran into your Web site. Am quite new to the computer. I have learned more in the past two days from reading your articles than I have learned in the past two years. Thanks again. -- J.W., via jetstream.net Nov. 23, 2005    Doc, many thanks for your helpful and prompt response to my recent question. I am aware that help is out there somewhere in books and the help menu, but I often can't explain my question very clearly, let alone understand the answer. You have a genuine talent for understanding the question and providing a clear and useful answer. -- E.S., via Dreamscape.    The doctor knows more questions than he knows answers, but he is always happy to share what he has learned. March 30, 2005 I read an article you wrote back in Oct 2001 about spyware and adware and the like. You coined a phrase, calling it "scumware." Would you mind if I use in on a new web site slamming businesses that resort to this garbage? -- Paul (no last name). The doctor asks for a 15 percent cut on all profits. April 30, 2003   Congratulations on the reaching the Big Six-O, doctor. Having passed the even bigger Eight-O, I can say, "What's in a number?" I might be 20 years ahead of you, but I can still play a tune on my two computers, which my doctors (all eight of them) find encouraging. Please, sir, keep up the good work. You are a role model. -- W.L., via Northlink.    The doc received hundreds of messages to help him celebrate his 60th birthday last week. Many were like W.L.'s, pointing out that the doctor is just a puppy compared to many of his readers. And some letter writers even asked about the doc's plans to celebrate his big day with a 60-mile bicycle ride. Alas, the doctor is still waiting for a combination of weather and a free day to do that. Be sure to wave if you see the doc passing by on two wheels. April 13, 2005 Doctor, I have to commend you on your restraint and demeanor in replying to readers who criticize you in rude ways. -- M.G., via Road Runner The rude ones are easy to deal with. The doc has to keep his eye out for the ones who speak softly while carrying a big stick. March 3, 2004 Please keep up the good work, and thank you for providing me with a refreshing web site. -- R.O., alltel.net The doctor thanks his reader for offering a different viewpoint. He was beginning to get a complex. March 9, 2005 Doc, I learned more from your partner's article on digital photo workflow, Part 1, in less than five minutes than I have learned in about two years of trying to ferret out info from other publications. I hope to use your work as a model for mine. Thanks again. -- W.M., via Bellsouth.net March 3, 2004 How many of these dumb requests do you get a day? And do you always have the answers at your fingertips? -- E.S., via Road Runner. The doc always has ready answers and he's always right. And he's only half serious. Jan. 31 , 2001 Doc, I'm writing to thank you for what has always been good, thoughtful advice and to let you know that, for all these years, you have been deeply appreciated by at least one faithful reader. - M.K., via highway.net The doctor wishes his mom would stop writing under a pseudonym. April 3, 2002 This is a "Thank You" note for the help that I found on your partner's Web site. I paid $12.99 to have a 13-minute tape copied in a photo store in my area. What a joke! I explained what part of the tape I needed and he managed to mess that up and NOT even get the part that I needed. I have 2 VCR's and just needed to know how to hook them up so I can tape it myself and the Technofile site provided me with the method. Thanks Again! -- Diane S. P.S. I got my $12.99 back too. April 6, 2005 Doc, you are invaluable to people like me who love to use computers but don't understand all the shortcuts and which programs are the best to use. You're awesome. -- S.D., via Road Runner Feb. 27, 2000 You make a positive difference in the lives of ordinary folks with your insight and level-headed, and subjective, and fair advice. I did not know that Microsoft (arrogant, sloppy, yet ubiquitous?) chose to leave fax software out of its Windows 98 product when I went to fax an important document today. I reinstalled Windows hoping to find the MS Fax software and messed up my Earthlink connection very badly -- it took two hours with technical support (they were very patient) to fix -- all for nothing. Then I went to the site your buddy Al had mentioned, and got Call Center for free, and it is very easy to use. I am not a novice by any means, but I learn something new and useful every week from you. I would have installed Linux out of spite, except for your observations about video card support. I may just buy anyway because of the OPTION they give me to run whatever operating system I want. Come to think of it, I will buy it, both to encourage them and to explore computing outside Windows. Please keep writing! -- J.S.K. Via Earthlink March 23, 2005 Doc, I'd never heard of you, but a three-year-old tip of yours allowed me to move my XP taskbar back to the bottom of the screen. Thanks. -- Jack, from Ohio. The doc had never heard of you either, Jack. But now that the introductions are over, the doctor is glad he could help. June 2, 2004   I've been a long-time fan, and as of today your lifelong pal has become my hero. I just downloaded Win Patrol, as he recommended, and already I love it -- it's enabled me to get rid of one start-up program that's been absolutely driving me crazy. It listed several other programs that are automatically started when I boot the computer, some of which look legitimate, but I've "disabled" most of them (rather than "remove" them) and will wait to see if anyone in the household misses them.    I have one request: My father-in-law and I would like to know how to correctly pronounce your buddy's family name, so we can properly discuss his articles. -- R.M., via alltel.net    The doctor's family name is, of course, "Gizmo," pronounced the way it looks. (The doc's first name remains unknown and perhaps unknowable. Even the doctor refers to himself in the third person, and has never uttered his own first name.) The doc's ever-constant companion has a name that more or less rhymes with "fast salt," if the second syllable is pronounced a little less like "a" and a little more like "o."    (Oddly, the good doctor seems to have forgotten that his own biography, at the top of this compilation, shows that he does indeed have a first name. Unless, of course, that name was just a ruse. -- Al Fasoldt, 2006) Feb. 12, 2003 Thank you for a great lesson in electronic photo journalism. I belong to a Catholic Religious Order, the Passionists, with missions in Peru (Yurimaguas, Tarapoto), staffed by Spanish-born Passionists, as well by as our Peruvian members. This limits the amount of English from "on-site". Your partner's photo essay on Peruvian youngsters, "Children of the River," will be very helpful for our English speaking world. I intend to recommend it with a link from our International web site, PassioChristi. -- A.C., Rome, Italy The doctor and his indispensable companion have received many kind letters about the photo essay. It's located at http://www.technofileonline/essays/amazon.html. Feb. 12, 2003    I just wanted to thank you and your buddy for everything. I have only been using a computer for about 18 months, so am relative newbie. Your "tips and tricks" have been a godsend. When my daughter, who lives over a hundred miles away had problems with her computer a couple of weeks ago, I was able to quote from several of your pages to help her. She's now up-and-running again and busily perusing your site for herself. Once again, thank you, and keep up the good work. -- M.F., via Freeserve, United Kingdom Feb. 13, 2000 I just wanted to say I ran into your web page on accident, and I've got to say, you seem like you can really help some of the average people learn to use their computers a little better. I'm only 18, but I've been using computers forever. They've been in my life as long as I can remember, and I remember a time that my dad spent $5,000 on a '386 PC with 640k of everything. Hard drive, memory, whatever. I don't remember exactly, obviously. But it seems so extreme now. Technology is changing quickly, and you're giving everybody a hand. I wasn't planning on staying at your site too long, but I've been here reading for about an hour now. Thanks. -- G.A. via MediaOne The doc will get a complex if he continues to receive such praise. Hate mail is easier to deal with sometimes. But the doctor and his pal appreciate the remarks. PC prices have indeed fallen at last. For many years PCs remained at the same price levels while growing in power and storage capacity, but lately prices have fallen while power and storage have gone up. That's a good deal for all of us. CATEGORY 2: SCAMS Jan. 1, 2003    Hey it was great meeting you in Miami last week (you are sooo hot). Here are the sexy pics of me and my girlfriends that I promised. (Web address deleted.) I hope you like them. I'll talk to you real soon. You can call me anytime and we'll hook up :) Goto to now see ya l8. -- Samantha, via MSN The doctor has been hot and he has been cold, but he hasn't been to Miami in years. He admits that he's a longtime fan of the TV show Miami Vice, but the vice in this slice of Miami is nothing more than an Internet porn scam. "Samantha" (surely not the real name of any of the low-life halfwits who do this pandering) is preying on a tendency in some of us to peer into the private lives of others. Knowing that the mail was sent to the "wrong" person, some of us can't resist clicking on the link for the Web address sent with the "misdirected" letter. A Web bug (an invisible tracking file) picked up by your browser tells the porn merchants who you are, and from that point on your e-mail address is sold from one porn marketing company to another, forever.    The doc's advice: Don't fall when you get spam that is an obvious scam -- delete it and get on with your life.    The doc's advice: Don't fall into this kind of trap. When you get spam -- and especially when you get spam that is an obvious scam -- delete it and get on with your life. Don't click on links sent by spammers. Dec. 10, 2003    Hi there! I have a picture online now. I am 22 years old. I have a very out going personality. I love to meet new people. I am on the varsity cheerleading squad. If u wanna chat or get to know me, If u really like what u see, you'll do more than just send me a note. Talk to you soon I hope... :) Kara    PS, my friend Veronica is on with me as well. -- "Elaine," via netscape.com    The doc doesn't want to know "Elaine," "Kara" or "Veronica" and wouldn't dare send any of them a note. The scam that "Elaine" is trying to get the doc to fall for starts with the confirmation of an e-mail address. By responding to this broadcast message, the doc would confirm his actual address. Sometimes the scam progresses to appeals for money or requests for bank account information.    The doctor warns everyone that "Elaine," "Kara" and "Veronica" and others of their type never exist. But the scams are showing no sign of letting up. Dec. 7, 2005    My name is Sgt. Mark Edwards. I am an American soldier serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq. As you know we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs. When we broke into Saddam Hussein's safe room during his arrest, we discovered some vital documents which he used to deposit some funds to a security firm. We managed to get in contact with the security firm and have discussed with them in details on how to claim this funds.    We want you to help us claim these funds from the security firm as every details of this transaction will be given to you on confirmation of your understanding. This is risk free. Don't panic. I will send my ID to you immediately as soon as i hear from you for proper identification. Also, I regret if this e-mail surprises you but rather I just need your kindest of assistance.    Sincerely Yours, Sgt. Mark Edwards, 1st Armored Division, US ARMY -- e-mailed from a scam address at yahoo.com in Australia.    The doctor spent a half hour reading about the real Army Staff Sgt. Mark O. Edwards after he received this scam letter. Sgt. Edwards, of Unicoi, TN, died at his forward operating base near Tuz, Iraq, on June 9 of this year. He was part of the Army National Guard's 2nd Squadron, 278th Armored Cavalry Regiment, of Erwin, TN.    Scams such as this one demean our soldiers, insult our National Guard and stretch the limits of the concept of retributive justice. What punishment is sufficient for the low-life half-wit who created this scam? Perhaps just as importantly, what should we say to Americans who fall for this assault on our personal consciences?    The doctor has pointed out many times in the past, and will continue to do so many times in the future, that scams like this one aren't e-mailed to millions of unsuspecting recipients because they don't work; they're sent out because they DO work. People fall for them. People who are otherwise intelligent fall for them. Common sense seems to be suspended when scams like this succeed.    A longtime reader once berated the doctor for "wasting space" by publishing scams. The doc respects such opinions. But shining light on fraud is one way to prevent it, and the doctor hopes he has reached a few more gullible readers today. Feb. 4, 2004    I AM JUNIOR GUEI, THE ONLY SURVIVING SON OF LATE GENERAL ROBERT GUEI, EX-MILITARY HEAD OF STATE OF IVORY COAST, WHO WAS MURDERED ALONG WITH THE INTERIOR MINISTER ON THE 19TH OF SEPTEMBER 2002. I CONTACTED YOU BECAUSE OF MY NEED TO DEAL WITH PERSONS WHOM MY FAMILY AND I HAVE HAD NO PREVIOUS PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.... -- juniorguei@telstra.com I am Dr. Gizmo, enemy of scammers. I wish you bad luck. Have a bad day! August 11, 2004    My name "Cremating O. Emphasize", and I working at Reasonable-ProgramTools LLC. You realy is so weighty for all of our company! You spend your dollars and your time at our firm, and We just want to show you that our organization have finished upgrade of software listings. We wanna remind You that we are to call your attention that this time We have more larger 1777 Reasonable software for at low worth with your individual Client discount on a price.    Truly yours, Customers Service finance department, "Cremating O. Emphasize" -- Spoofed address withheld    The doctor did not make that up. But he wonders if the English language is all THAT difficult for spammers to master. Nov. 19, 2003    To: zone1@nymx02.mgw.rr.com    Dear Sir,    Due to inflation and other factors outside of my control, your debts have exceeded $1100.94 and we are pushing for legal action against your person. We will offer you the opportunity to pay your debt within the next 7 business days. Send us by e-mail your banking details, an authorization from your bank to withdraw the above mentioned debt, and your social security number. -- Name and address withheld.    The doc knew this letter was a scam because his debts are far greater than $1100.94. So anyone claiming that the doctor owes only that much surely is guessing. And he also knew it was a scam because legitimate businesses do not ask you to send your personal financial data by e-mail. Nov. 5, 2003 I am Joseph Vaye, the son of late Issac Nuhan Vaye, deputy minister of public works under President Charles taylor of Liberia....    I am Dr. Yaya Bello, the Head of the five-man committee set up to receive the immediate past Liberia President, Charles Taylor, who is currently in assylum in Nigeria....    I am the son of the late president of Democratic Republic of Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko....    I am Mrs. S. Kokou from Ivory Coast. I am a widow being that I lost my husband a couple of months ago....    My name is LAWRENCE TAYLOR, the junior brother to Mr. Charles Taylor....    I am Mr Yomi Coker. I am reaching you on behalf of my colleagues. I wish to solicit for your mutual cooperation and assistance in the execution of a pending beneficial project....    I am MRS. JONIONI TAMBOLO MAKELE, the wife of late TATE MAKELE , a farmer in ZIMBABWE who was recently murdered....    I am Dr. Gizmo, son of one difficult-to-impress Gizmo scion and grandson of another. I would love for the seven of you to meet Jennifer Thommeny of the New South Wales police department. She announced the arrest of an individual in Australia accused of scamming hundreds of people in a "Nigerian"-style fraud case. News reports said officers seized nine houses in two countries, five cars and several bank accounts. May 7, 2003   My name is Nyota and I am a graduate student at (name withheld) university. I am currently working on my thesis project and invite you to participate in a short survey. A winner of $100 will be selected from amongst the responders. -- N.W.    The doctor is often amazed at what spammers will do to get confirmed e-mail addresses. He urges caution from everyone who gets this kind of mail. Strangers who refuse to give their full (or real) name and who got your address from a spam list should never be trusted. Always trash such mail. June 15, 2005    Janet Selvana has sent you an gift certificate for $250 from www.GiftCertificates.com. www.GiftCertificates.com is all about touching lives, bridging distances, healing rifts and building bonds. We have a gallery of gift certificate for almost every occasion of life. Express yourself to your friends and family by sending gift certificate from our site with your choice of colors, words and music. -- from an Internet scam letter.    The doctor has a choice of colors and words. His colors are black and blue, which reminds the doctor of the strain he suffers from weeding out scams from normal mail, and his words to such scam artists are simple: "Get lost." June 15, 2005    Janet Kera has sent you an gift certificate for $200 from www.GiftCertificates.com. www.GiftCertificates.com is all about touching lives, bridging distances, healing rifts and building bonds. We have a gallery of gift certificate for almost every occasion of life. Express yourself to your friends and family by sending gift certificate from our site with your choice of colors, words and music. -- from another Internet scam letter.    The doctor wishes one Janet would get to know the other. Maybe they could touch each other's lives and heal each other's rifts.    Of course, the doc knows that these are not real people. And they are not sending gift certificates. They're harvesting confirmed e-mail addresses, which they get every time the recipient of such a phony "gift" offer clicks the return link in the letter. Aug. 10, 2005   What if You Knew with Crystal Clarity your Life Purpose? I'd like to invite you to participate in a fr*ee teleclass (that's a class conducted by telephone conferencing). The subject: "The 6 Passages to a Life On Purpose." -- admin@lifeonpurpose.com.    A FR*EE teleclass! Oh, the doctor is overjoyed! He'd L*OVE to join in, except that he'll be b*usy eradicating this sort of spam from his comp*uter and can't find ti*me to have all that f*un. June 30, 2004   With warm hearts I offer my friendship, and my greetings, and I hope this letter meets you in good time. However, I am sincerely seeking your confidence in this transaction, which I propose with my free mind and as a person of integrity.... -- M. Y., via netscape.net.    With a warm heart and an eager mind, the doctor offers the long arm of the law. The more a scammer professes his integrity, the more the doctor reaches for his aspirin. June 22, 2005   It's my great pleasure to contact you! We learned from Internet you are interested in tents. We have been in this line of business for many years. We wish to establish friendly business relations with you and share the mutual benefits.    We are able to supply a wide variety of tents. We would be interested in receiving more information about your enquiry so that we will be able to submit an offer that is suitable. For example, what is the height of the tent? Are you interested in windows? Awaiting your favorable responds, Richard Zheng, Qyield (Xiamen) Camping Products Co., Ltd., Huaguang Rd. Huli, Xiamen, China.    The doctor is indeed interested in Windows, but he can't imagine why Qyield Camping Products thinks he wants to buy a tent. July 16, 2003   Hi how are you? I saw your profile on the Internet. I am new to the area and am looking for someone to show me around. If you're interested in hanging out with a cool girl of the age 23, then send me an email at (address deleted) and we can chat on instant messenger. -- No name, no discernable return address    The doc is fine, thanks. He doesn't have a chat profile on the Internet and despises the jerks who pretend to be 23-year-old women just to steal identities and to plant spyware via chat programs. (They are just as dangerous as e-mail programs.)    Earth to spammers: Get a life! Sept. 14, 2005    My name is (name withheld).I am the credit manager in a bank here in the United Kingdom. I am contacting you regarding a business transfer, of a huge sum of money from a deceased account.... -- e-mail address withheld.    My name is Dr. Gizmo, and I am the bunkum manager of a newspaper column here in the United States. The doctor wishes you a long life ... behind bars. Feb. 25, 2004    I just got another e-mailed offer to get a "university diploma" without all those annoying classes, tests, tuition fees and books. The last one of these was offered by what the e-mail message called a "prestigious Unaccredited University'" but this one makes no such pretext. How can a "university" be both prestigious and unaccredited?    And to think I spent four years of my life getting my diploma the hard way! What was I thinking? I even wrote my own term papers!    I'm a little suspicious that there's more to this one, though. The paragraph at the bottom of the e-mail, after the pitch, had six lines of seemingly randomly chosen words strung together. Because I use a Linux PC, not one of those "Please Kick Me" Windows computers, I wasn't worried. But I wonder what might be hiding down there? -- T.J., via Dreamscape.    The doc gets letters of that sort every day. Prestigious unaccredited universities exist only in Spamville. Garbled text is a popular technique used by spammers trying to confuse Bayesian spam filters such as the one used in Mail, the e-mail program on modern Macintoshes. The inventor of the Bayesian technique admitted recently that common words, especially if they relate to jobs and careers, might fool the filter into accepting the message it was examining as a legitimate e-mail.    The fight against spam will continue despite such subterfuges. The doctor reminds everyone that clicking on any link in a spam e-mail guarantees that you will get more spam. Do not read spam messages past the point of recognizing them. Trash them. Be sure to use of antispam software whenever it is available. March 24, 2004    Hi. We have a date set for later on. I hope you can join me. It should be fun. I can't wait to meet you. Talk soon. -- Blind-Date Fantasy, via Hotmail    The doctor can't wait either. But he's waiting for effective spam laws. The one passed in the U.S. Congress late last year has been a dud. June 16, 2004   Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours! As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church! Perform Weddings, Funerals, and Perform Baptisms Forgiveness of Sins and Visit Correctional Facilities. Want to open a church? Check out Ministry in a Box. Click here to find out how. -- "cadid@snowdonia.net"    The doctor and his wife enjoy the spiritual companionship of ministers who were ordained the old-fashioned way. Somehow the new way doesn't seem very inviting. March 10, 2004    Allow us to evaluate the compatibility of your website with Google's search engine. Our consultation services are now on sale, from $145 down to $95. -- Terry Patel, director of Algorithm Review Dept., Cyberdifferencecorp.    The doc was once a semiconductor, but the symphony left town before he could get his algorithms working. Pitches like this one fit best in the trash bin. Jan. 7, 2004    I don't want to hurt the doctor's feelings, but please tell him that he is wasting valuable column space printing those spam emails he receives. He has so much to offer and his readers have so much to learn. He is just fueling those idiots who send those emails. They don't deserve the satisfaction of seeing their letters in print. -- J.U., via Road Runner The doc's feelings are safe. Nov. 26, 2003    I enjoy your articles, but I'll admit I was getting annoyed seeing the letters you printed that included the scam e-mails we all get from time to time. Then I saw an article in the Daytona, Fla. newspaper about an Ormond Beach man who lost his retirement savings when he fell for just such a scam. I thought people would be wise to this by now, but incredibly they aren't. Keep up the fight. -- W.K., Fulton CATEGORY 3: HARD TO BELIEVE July 30, 2003   I AXEDENTLY DELETED ALL MY BROTHERS FILES. IM SO SAD HES UPSTAIRS CRYING.I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN BY "RIGHT CLICK ON THE ITEM" I CANT BECAUSE ITS HIDING!!!!!!!!!I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO RESTORE IT. PLEASE HELP ME.I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING. -- N., via AOL    Files deleted from Windows or from a Mac should be in the Recycle Bin (in Windows) or the Trash (on a Mac). Double click on the Recycle Bin or trash can. When the window opens, hold down the Ctrl key and press the A key. (On a Mac, hold down the Cmd key and press the A key.)    In Windows, click the File menu at the top of the Recycle Bin window and click "Restore." On a Mac, drag all the items out of the window and onto the desktop to keep them from being trashed. (If there are a lot of items, create a new folder on the desktop first, then drag them to it.)    Then tell your brother you love him. August 6, 2003    I was speaking over the phone to a gentleman who supposedly was very knowledgeable about burned CDs. He had mentioned that CDs that are burned on home computers only sample one tenth of the original source material, and therefore the final home-burned CD contains only a slight amount of information, as opposed to a professionally produced CD.    He also went on to proclaim that there is a new generation of CD burners that will only sample one hundredth of the information. These two statements seem a bit off the wall, especially the last one. Can you verify whether these statements are true or false? -- M.W., Tonawanda    The doctor often wonders where some people get their information. The claims M.W. asks about are nonsense. There's nothing even remotely accurate about them. April 9, 2003    Will you please send me the software for Windows 98 that has the spider solitaire game. My computer will not let me down load any programs, because there is a warning that comes up about viruses. I would rather send you a check by mail. And I would like to be sure the game is virus free. Thank you. -- E.G., via gwi.net    The doctor does not sell software. Microsoft's authorized dealers sell Windows software. Oct. 24, 1999   I must tell you that my husband is converting a screened room into a three-season room by using sliding glass doors and windows including two custom-made trapezoid windows. So when my husband saw the headline of your buddy's Oct. 10th Stars Magazine column, "Part 1: Reinstalling Windows? Begin with vital backup," he eagerly started reading. The first sentence stopped him cold: "You should reinstall Windows every six to 12 months." He figured if he can get those windows installed once he'll be doing just fine. -- M.S., Mexico    The good doctor does not recommend reinstalling wooden, aluminum, steel or combination windows every six to 12 months. That would be a bit too often. He does, however, suggest that they be washed now and then. A weak solution of water and ammonia with a few drops per quart of dishwashing liquid works fine for the cleaning chores. Or you can buy a commercial cleaner.    (And, no, the doc did not make this letter up. The writer went on to say that she had just signed up for a basic computing class for senior citizens. The teachers? National Honor Society students at the local high school.) Dec. 31, 2003    YOU LIED! Here is what you said: "iHate Spam still the best for blocking spam in Windows; Apple Mail does well on OS X."    LIARS who make these statements need to be sued for fraud. Hopefully a trafficking device for every click on this site will result in a $11,000 per day fine for folks like you and ALL others who WRONGFULLY, DECEITFULLY and DELIBERATELY misuses the word "Free" to hawk your wares. -- undisclosed@coastalnow.net    The doctor loves getting letters like this. They prove that those of us who are rational owe a debt to our Creator for our good fortune.    As for the quotation attributed to the doc, it was actually written by the good periphysician's altered ego, for whom the doctor, as close as he might be to the gentleman in question, cannot be held responsible. May 29, 2002    Our company is proud to introduce our patented one-size-fits-all shock protector for remote controls. -- N.P., via Sedi SRL, Italy.    Thank you. Dec. 18. 2002    Hai, can u send any information about why we need software testing for all types system dovelopment (business applications or embedded systems or real time systems) and what are the major problems in these software development. -- S.K., via Yahoo    The doctor is always happy to offer pointers, but he does not do homework for students. Dec. 12, 2001 Would the 2000 Dodge Quad Cab be a good buy? -- W.M.L. Only if could run both Windows and Linux. Oct. 15, 2003    My dad and I are curious about Apple computers. How long as Apple been in business? Why did the company choose such a silly name? I'm doing a project for school. -- A.S., via Road Runner    The doc refuses to do homework for students. But he's happy to explain that Apple has been around longer than nearly every other company in the computer business (please look up the exact number of years) and that the founders of Apple (please look up their names yourself) liked the friendly sound of the name they came up with. A British company even introduced a computer named for another fruit that started with "A" (please look ... you get the point). June 2, 2004   Integrity simple means not violating one's own identity. I know of no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so effective as their strict execution. As a general truth, it is safe to say that any picture that produces a moral impression is a bad picture. You have enjoyed Via.Gra and wish for a longer effect? CIA.Lis can make it happen. Enjoy It! Lunch kills half of Paris, supper the other half. There is no living with thee, nor without thee. out The world is sad enough without your woe. -- (e-mail address withheld)    The doctor recently received this spam (quoted verbatim, punctuation oddities included). His first reaction was to wonder what the spammer was thinking off. His second reaction was to rejoice. The doc is indeed fortunate to be sane in a world populated by loonies. June 9, 2004   How do I go about starting a Web site for people like me that got burned by their tenant? You see, my tenant cost me $21,000 to repair what he did to the town house that I rent out. He totally trashed it and I wanted to start a site for people like me and put his name on a list of people NOT to rent to. If I sound bitter, it's because I am. -- R., via MSN.    The doctor has only one piece of advice: Don't do it. You'll only get yourself in legal trouble. The laws of libel and slander apply to material published on the Web just as they apply to anything published in a book or newspaper.    Tell anyone to forgive, forget and move on seems like a hard thing to do, but it's the right thing to do. Take legal action against the renter to recover your loss, but don't create a public accounting. June 20, 2001   The analysis seems correct and they are obviously able to explain the independence of dissolution rate from dislocation density. However, their expression for the emission rate of step waves neglect the fact, that near a dislocation core microscopic effects will dominate. But it can be accepted as zeroth order approximation. -- P.C., via Cornell    The doctor agrees heartily. March 17, 2004    Kind firm, I would ask to could be contacted the number suitable bottom, in I as would desire require, the virile connectors and female used for connect the connectors of the sensors of pressure, I for motors upset [diesel], of the the followings different houses: PSA, Volkswagen, Fiat, Japan. Sure of a your answer, I gather the occasion for hand the my More separate Salutes. -- C.G., via dipasport.com The doctor did not change a word of the preceding letter. He's still trying to figure out what it says. Dec. 29, 2004    I am working on a project and I am trying to figure out who invented the re-recordable/erasable CD. Do you happen to know this or know where I might figure this out? -- M.P., via lazyjranch.net.    The doctor does not do homework assignments. Homework has at least three salient purposes: It rewards effort, it enriches the mind and it provides a foundation for the real work of life itself. The doctor has never given up study and does his homework the old-fashioned way. He encourages students to do the same. Dec. 29, 2004  Who is the Russian nuclear scientist who holds the patent and invented the rerecordable and reusable CD? Please send response to (name withheld). -- A reader, via hotmail.com.    The doc will do no such thing. CATEGORY 4: NASTIES Sept. 19, 2001    What are you a Ralph Nader wannabe? LOL. Microsoft has done a million items more good for computing than bad. Face it, you dimwit. -- "Joe Doofuss" via Yahoo    LOL to you, too, "Joe," especially for having the courage to put your own name on your letter. (For those who still believe English is a language of intelligent thought, "LOL" means "laughing out loud" to those who don't.) Jan. 5, 2005    You're rude and asinine. You give bad advice in a public setting, and when that happens you've got to expect someone to speak up. And when I need thoughtful advice, I WON'T call Dr. Gizmo. -- A reader.    The doc wishes his reader a Happy New Year. Jan. 12, 2005    After looking at your site it sure looks like god gave you **** for brains. -- D.S., via Yahoo.    The doctor believes the Man Upstairs (whom the doctor would prefer to have a capitalized name) dispenses brainpower in His own fashion, as D.S. demonstrates. Sept. 1, 2004   Doctor, you really don't know (expletive deleted) about what's happening out there. Until you know what's going on and have more than a half (expletive deleted) clue for suggestions i would have to say keep you mouth shut and think about the end result of you suggestions if they are even possible to begin with. -- From an anonymous letter.    The doctor appreciates the advice, but he would much rather hear from readers who are willing to put their names on the mail they send. Standing up for something is not all that difficult, especially if you are standing up for your own opinion Jan. 8, 2003 Just a note to let you know that your buddy will now serve 5 percent of users and not the other 95 percent. I will have to find another place to get my info. I hope he and his Mac will be happy together. -- M.C., via Road Runner Jan. 8, 2003    Could you and your worthless pal babble on any more than you already do? Why does anyone have to read three pages of useless (expletive deleted) to get to the point! -- (Expletive deleted), via AOL    The doctor is reminded now and then that education is a terrible thing to waste. June 21, 2000   Al Fasodldt needs to rename his column "Al Dolt on Computers". His Sunday May 7 column, "Internet Explorer and Outlook Express are Double Dangers," showed extreme lack of knowledge of e-mail systems and the recent viruses.... -- D.J., via usiway.net.    The doctor's pal passed this along in hopes that the mild manners of the healing electro-physician would soothe things a bit, since Al felt more than a little annoyed at the suggestion that he lacked a certain, shall we say, intelligence. And the good doctor doesn't mind speaking out in defense of his rambunctious associate now and then. After all, even journalists might be right some of the time.    But to save the sensibilities of the fair reader, the doctor will limit his comments to a reflection on the state of education in American society. Spelling, he believes, is a good thing. A very good thing. One not to be wasted. It needs to be supported more vigorously in the schools.    2006 comment: How can you write a letter to someone whose name is printed in the newspaper and not spell it right? March 3, 2004    After reading one of your articles all I can do is laugh. You obviously have no clue as to what you're discussing in your articles, and you're trying to offer people advice that could possibly cause more problems than help them. Good Lord do some research and learn about computers! -- M.McK, via digitalpassage.com.    The doctor thanks his reader for taking the time to write. Aug. 14, 2002   I found your page as a search result for hopefully removing any sign of Comet Cursor and your link led me right into a porno page and pop-ups. You are lowlife scum. -- J.L., via holmandallas.com.    The doc was not a low-life scum the last time he checked. Aug. 24, 2005    I find you incompetent and unworthy of the space your column uses. -- P.R.D., via Bluefrog.com. March 3, 2004    Hearing that you have 21 years of articles out there makes me cringe. Do you mean to say that you've been dispelling this bad, ignorant advice for 21 years? Opinions are opinions; they're not necessarily correct. I think you have to get over your massive ego in order to understand that. -- T.K., via tomchu.com. The doctor thanks his reader for taking the time to write. Sept. 19, 2001    It must be nice that you have nothing else to do but play with your computer all day sending useless e-mail. You should go to work for the rest of the cronies in Washington. -- George E. via AOL.    The doctor loves letters from people who have such a sense of humor. And all because the doc dares to say what he thinks about Microsoft. Last time the doc checked the Constitution, it was still OK to speak your mind June 23, 2004   I can't believe someone who proclaims themselves to know something about computers can be as ignorant as you. I look forward to your reply just so I can get another good laugh at how ignorant some people are. -- Chase, via charter.net    The doctor is happy to live in a free society. July 13, 2005    I know you are a Mac bigot, doc. Those of us in the blind or visually impaired have no choice but to use Windows as Macs have not caught up with Windows to allow screen reader programs and keyboard commands. -- J.C., via Juno. The doc isn't a Mac bigot. That honor belongs to his partner. But the doctor notes that his partner's Mac reads any text aloud at the press of a key, and allows keyboard navigation for all functions. J.C. may be thinking of the old Macintosh computers no longer made by Apple. May 8, 2002    I try to eschew anger, but your buddy's column in Stars this week concerning the Klez worm really warmed me up.    I got clobbered by this worm. I neither opened the file nor previewed it. I deleted it as part of a batch of ads, spam and other items that didn't interest me, so it's especially galling to be called "foolish" in print for opening a message I hadn't.    It took Road Runner 48 hours -- two days -- to send me a warning about Klez. The delay was inexcusable, however innocent they were of the original attack, and was caused by arrogance, laziness, disregard for subscribers or a combination of all three.    This isn't about blame, though. What got me upset was your associate's shameless huckstering on behalf of Road Runner. Your employer is a major shareholder in Road Runner, and your column was obviously intended to deflect fault from them.    I realize this is Syracuse, and standards are lower, but didn't your pal feel a TWINGE of shame writing this swill?    There are boxers who fight with the name of a Web site on their backs. These guys are one up on your friend in this respect: They're only renting their backs, while your buddy sold his behind. Of course, this is just one man's opinion. -- J.S., via Road Runner    The doc asked his toadying pal for a response, but Al Fasoldt was too busy huckstering. The doctor thanks J.S. for taking the time to write, and hopes his correspondent gets everything he deserves. Feb. 14, 2001    I thought your articles would help me. Unfortunately, your instructions are totally incomprehensive to me. Your computer bafflegab is just as bad as what I get from Windows 98!    I don't have to go through all this pain. It is just not worth it. I am going to read the bird column from now on. -- F.G., via Dreamscape The doctor likes the bird column, too. March 30, 2005    You're a jerk. -- J.C. The doc played a soda jerk in a school play once, but has otherwise remained on the sidelines of jerkdom. Feb. 12, 2003    I am thoroughly disappointed by your arrogant and obnoxious attitude. -- J.B.    The doctor will try harder. April 3, 2002    You don't know what you are talking about. -- Marco de Vos    And all the time the doctor thought he was a magnet for praise. April 20, 2005   If you are going to write about computers, you need to have experience in computers. And more than a day at the office or that free "learn to use computers class" at your local job center or unemployment office. At least the 14 years I have.    Don't comment or talk about stuff you don't know. When is the last time you wrote your own code? I'd buy a computer from a PC shop before I would buy one from a journalist or a grocery store. -- N.P., via Earthlink    The doctor has spent more than a day at the office with computers, and, as a computer programmer himself, can easily write his own code. But he's convinced that N.P. did not mean to come across with such a frosty attitude. He wishes his reader a good day. May 11, 2005    You need to get a life and stop judging people. -- K.M., via Road Runner of southern California.    The doc loves the life he has already, but he always appreciates letters from readers. April 10, 2002 You seem to have the impression that building a color television system from scratch was real easy and that we stupid jerks that did it should be submerged in infamy for having had the nerve to try! What's been supporting your pay check recently? -- R.C.W., via AOL The doctor does not make these things up, nor has he any idea what R.C.W. is trying to say. Volunteers who think they can decipher the meaning should send the doc a note. CATEGORY 5: WINDOWS BASHING Jan. 10 , 2001    It is apparent you are not a big fan of Microsoft. Sometimes it seems that you use your time in opinion and Microsoft bashing. We would continue to learn more if you stuck to the facts and cut back on the opinion that takes up a lot of your columns space. appreciate what you do, I have got several good things from your efforts. -- A.R., via Road Runner    The doctor pleads guilty. Microsoft, as you surely know, does not. This puts the doctor at a disadvantage, and the cure for this dilemma is not silence.    Silencing the doctor or encouraging him to stick to what some view as the "facts" is pointless. The doctor will continue to say what he believes is important. Jan. 16, 2000    I would have given up trying to work with and understand my computer long ago without having you there to answer every one of my questions (ranging from dumb to very dumb) in a prompt, clear, and understandable way. I am a faithful fan both of your radio and TV show and learn something new every time I tune in. Thanks for all you help in the past as well as in the future. And thanks for being open-minded enough to remind people that one of the main reasons the Windows operating system remains an inferior product is because there are people out there who have totally settled for using it as is. -- J.R. via Road Runner    The doc would love to see a better Windows. In fact, Microsoft is finally improving Windows in some serious ways -- although the next consumer version of Windows, called Windows Millenium, apparently won't be much better than Windows 98 -- and Microsoft is finally listening to its critics. One reason Linux is so much stronger than Windows -- and so crash-proof, too -- is the enthusiasm that Linux programmers have for the open-source system, which almost guarantees that programs will be fixed if bugs are found. CATEGORY 6: WINDOWS VS. MACS Jan. 14, 2004    Doctor, I know you and your buddy are big fans of the new Mac operating system, but please keep some Windows articles coming now and then. -- T.H., via Road Runner    The doc once chatted with one of Norman Mailer's former wives in Provincetown and was reminded that Mailer felt compelled to write about executions, but surely never wanted to experience his subject firsthand. Likewise, the good doctor remains compelled by circumstances and a certain desire for completeness to write about Windows now and then, too. Jan. 28, 2004    I just wanted to let you know that I am disappointed over your recent trend of allocating more columns (at least in my view) to Macs rather than PCs. I am not trying to bash Macs -- they are wonderful machines and you are certainly accurate with your comments about security holes, weak operating systems, and the other glaring problems with PCs.    My disappointment instead stems from the fact that even with all the other columnists and pundits that talk about PCs and are available via the internet, I continue to look to you and your buddy as the authoritative voices on PCs. My non-techie wife even enjoys your pal's writings on digital photography and photo handling for PCs. I implore you to revert to your previous level of PC columns, primarily because you're the best! -- D.Z., via springnet1.com    The doc is honored by the praise but would like to point out a fallacy. Let us suppose your medical doctor started telling you to stop smoking.    "But," you point out, "you've been my doctor for 18 years and you never said a word about smoking! How dare you suddenly switch to this sort of campaign at a time when I don't need any more stress!"    When your doctor points out why stopping smoking makes sense, what do you say in return? The good periphysician hopes it is not like the following:    "But, doc, ALL of the guys I play poker with at the club's weekly smokers are the same as me. They all smoke. And all the people who gather outside for our smoke breaks at work are smokers, too. You mean to tell me that with all of these smokers worldwide -- heck, the percentage must be huge! -- that you are going to stop chatting about which cigarette is smoother like you used to do and talk instead about these dumb HEALTH issues?" March 17, 2004    Now be honest with me, Dr. Gizmo, does Apple pay you in some way to spread propaganda about Macs? -- J.K., via hotmail.com    The doctor is handsomely recompensed by the two non-viral alternatives to Microsoft, Apple Computer Inc. and Linux Co. Inc.    Checks arrive nearly every day. Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds send instructions on what to say, what to wear and what to do. March 17, 2004    I have a few good tips for you: 1. Get a BRAIN! 2. Use the BRAIN! 3. Learn about computers. 4. Deflate your ego! -- melems, via sbcglobal.net The doctor is too busy cashing checks to do this. March 31, 2004    The reason so many people don't like Macs is because it doesn't run all the games that us Windows users like. Its also too pretty and girly for us. -- S.L., via yahoo. Modern Macs just don't have the appeal of Windows. Even virus writers agree. Feb. 4, 2004    Since 95 percent of all users use Windows, why do you and your buddy spend so much time writing about Macs? -- D.G., via Earthlink. The world of personal computing is not well served when one company owns most of the market, as the recent flood of Windows viruses has shown. Straight talk about the problems of Windows is no less important than honesty about other problems of modern life. CATEGORY 6: WINDOWS Feb. 4, 2000    Doc, what can anyone do when Windows puts the Internet Explorer window totally off the screen? You cannot access the title bar or the menu dropdowns. Since you cannot access the title bar (when it is not maximized), you cannot arrange it "exactly how you want it," as you wrote recently. -- M., via starpower.net    The doctor is happy to share a Windows trick with you. You can move any window back on screen easily, as long as you can click on that window's button on the taskbar. Click your right right mouse button on the window's entry in the taskbar and choose "Move." Press the left or right arrow key repeatedly until the window comes back on screen. You might also have to press the up arrow key if the window is off the bottom of the screen. Jan. 3 , 2001    How do I get my Taskbar back on the bottom of my Windows screen? Somehow it is on top of my screen. What did I do wrong? -- F.W., via Roadrunner    You didn't do anything wrong. The doctor believes all toolbars and menubars that are moveable should show a "handle" that you can click on, but the Taskbar does not. It gives you no clue that it's something you can grab onto and move.    To move the Taskbar (whether to move it back to the bottom or to move it to any other edge of the screen), click your left mouse button on the a blank area of the Taskbar. While holding the button down, drag the Taskbar to the left or right. If you see an outline of the Taskbar moving on the screen, you're doing this right. Drag it to the bottom or to the location you want and let go. Dec. 10, 2003    No lectures about how some computers behave better than others, please. Just tell me how I can get my Dell Windows computer to run in Safe Mode. That's what I'm supposed to do but I don't know how to do it. -- R., via juno.com    Safe Mode is a special emergency boot-up procedure in which all extra functions of Windows are turned off. It might be the only way to get a misbehaving computer to boot up into Windows. Some users boot up into Safe Mode to do such operations as disk fixing and defragging, too.    To force Windows into Safe Mode, reboot the computer (or simply turn it on if it's already off), then repeatedly press F8 as soon as the computer comes to life. It will eventually display a simple menu from which you can choose Safe Mode.    The doc urges caution for those who use Safe Mode: It is for emergencies only. Reboot into the normal Windows operation when you are finished with the emergency fixes. Nov. 7, 1999   Come on now, you don't really mean to suggest that one should have to reinstall Windows every 12 months and have to go through all that mess. Is Windows so bad that this operation is really necessary? And that bit about installing a second hard drive -- are you kidding? For most of us "novices" out here we have all we can do to just do the routine things. If what you imply about the stability of Windows, with the millions of computers out there with the Windows operating system installed, we are going to be in for a lot of trouble if we don't do the reinstalling bit. Wow!!! I know you are not a Windows fan but this is too much. -- B.M. Via AOL    The doc worries about good folks who write letters such as this one. Blaming the messenger is not a good idea, and the doc wants to live a long life. Don't shoot at the doc when you should be aiming farther west.    Microsoft made Windows, not the good doctor, and that means Microsoft, not the elfin Gizmo, is responsible for the flaws in Windows. The fact that Windows crashes far more than it should is obvious to Microsoft as well as to most Windows users. If there were a fix that did not require reinstalling Windows, Microsoft would be the first to tell the world of it.    As for whether we are in for a lot of trouble if we don't reinstall Windows, the point's already been made. We've already suffered the trouble. The problems of Windows are legion, and the costs of these problems probably can't be totaled up. Nov. 5, 2003   I just read your buddy's item about leaving Windows for BeOS, Linux and the Mac. As one who has used Windows a lot and Linux a bit, I can sympathize with him—and with you, doc, for putting up with this.    But your buddy has a problem. He'd be justified if he were simply a private citizen. However, his stock in trade is giving computer advice to all, particularly those with low computer skills. This says to me that your pal is going to have to grit his teeth and keep using Windows, no matter what its flaws, over the years. After all, it's what his audience is putting up with.—T.S., Baltimore, MD    The doctor has already chided his alter ego for giving a scare to Windows users, and his lifelong companion is suitably chastised. But the doc and his friend are not giving up their stock in trade. After all, a doctor doesn't have to swallow arsenic to give advice on whether it is poisonous, nor should he need to inject heroin into his veins to treat his patients for an overdose. Nov 6, 2002    At work I have Microsoft Internet Explorer 6.0 as my web browser. When I click on a link, the window is small, about 1" x 1" roughly. I have to click on the maximize button to bring it up. This is consistent and does it every time. I've searched Help for this with no luck. -- G.M., via immediatemailing.com.    The doc has reported this as a bug in Windows, without a response from Microsoft. Windows that are too small need to be resized by dragging the windows larger or smaller, then closed when they are the new size. When they are reopened, they should remember the changed size and appear properly.    What G.M. tried didn't work because Windows does not remember the size of maximized windows -- after all, the doc supposes, the designers of Windows probably figured there was no need to remember them because they're, well, maximum size. But this oversight means that "fixing" a window that is too small by maximizing it doesn't force it to open at the larger size next time Feb. 7, 2001 You helped me before, and now I have a new problem. Friends of ours are running Windows 98, they have a problem with the baby-sitters getting on their computer when they are gone. Recently they got on and messed up the computer. Is there any way to set it up so that when you first turn on the computer, as it starts in DOS to prompt a password? -- N.B., via Road Runner    The doctor understands situations like this. You let someone into your house for four or five hours and they do all sorts of things they shouldn't do.    But the solution in our technological age is no different from the solution 50 years ago: You start hiring babysitters you can trust and stop hiring ones you can't trust. Babysitters that can't be trusted with the computer can't be trusted with the children, either.    Yes, the doctor knows of ways to put a real password into the computer so unauthorized people can't use it. Most current PCs allow the owner to insert a password into the startup sequence. This is called a BIOS password.    BIOS passwords are totally effective at keeping someone who does not know the password out of the computer. The doc needs to apply some emphasis: BIOS passwords REALLY do keep you from using the computer if you don't know the password -- or if you have forgotten your own password. BIOS passwords are unforgiving.    The BIOS is accessed at bootup before Windows gets going You'll see a brief notice on the screen telling you which keys to press to force the PC to halt while you change the BIOS settings. June 15, 2005    Is there a simple or not too difficult way to reclaim or recycle resources while using Windows ME (barring reboot)? -- E.G., via Road Runner    The doctor wishes Microsoft had fashioned a version of Windows suitable for the new millennium when it created Windows Me, short for "Windows Millennium." But it did not. Windows Me is based on Windows 98 and has all the same memory problems. "Resources" are tiny areas of memory. When they run low, Windows crashes.    Microsoft had wanted to design Windows 95, 98 and Me so that resources would be reclaimed when programs exit, but it failed to do this. Just as the doc has to shoo the cat out the door every morning whether the cat wants to go or not, Windows 95, 98 and Me users have to reboot the PC now and then to reclaim these tiny areas of memory whether the computer wants to reboot or not. The doc suggests rebooting before doing anything important. April 3, 2002 What is the proper method of loading Windows 98 so that all the components work well? -- A.K., via rediffmail, India The doctor would rather be asked for the correct way to end the Arab-Israeli conflict. There is no way to install Windows 98 so that all components work well. If that had been possible, Microsoft would not have developed Windows XP. The doc is sometimes accused of Microsoft bashing, but if Microsoft is not held accountable for producing such an unstable operating system we should all hang our heads in shame. Microsoft has already been judged guilty of a criminal monopoly, which is surely bad enough. But in fact that monopoly kept Microsoft from developing a worthy version of Windows for years, and we are all the poorer for it. April 10, 2002    Why don't companies such as Dell or Compaq make a more innovative computer? -- R.G., via AOL    The Windows PC business is a monopoly, as everyone should know by now. The doc finds Microsoft's license requirement for companies that want to sell Windows PCs truly brazen. Until the federal court intervened, Microsoft reserved the right to sue any PC company that sold any computers that had a second operating system installed along with Windows, and it even charged PC manufacturers a Windows license even if Windows was not installed.    Innovation under such circumstances is difficult to imagine. The doc spotted a Dell computer that was totally black, monitor and all, the other day. If that's innovation, the doc will eat his hat. April 13, 2005    Doctor, several years ago you explained how to snap the Windows taskbar back into its rightful place at the bottom of the desktop screen. This worked for me under Windows 98, but now I have Windows 2000. The taskbar is now vertically on the right, and I want to return it to the bottom.    According to the article, there were two steps:    1. Click on any empty place in the taskbar and drag it up and to the right.    2. Next drag it towards the bottom, and the taskbar will snap into its rightful place.    This doesn't work for me now. -- G.P., via Road Runner.    The doctor used Windows 2000 for years before switching to Apple's OS X operating system. As far as the doctor is aware, the taskbar operates the same way on Windows 2000 as it does on Windows 98.    In Windows XP, however, Microsoft added a way to lock the taskbar, so the doc wonders if a recent upgrade to Windows 2000 added the XP locking function to the taskbar.    If so, the doc recommends right clicking on a blank area of the taskbar and unchecking "Lock the Taskbar" if that option is present. If this function is not present, the taskbar should move with a simple drag.    In his previous article, the doc mentioned dragging the taskbar up and to the right to emphasize the need to get the taskbar to swivel out before it moves down. With the taskbar on the right, sliding it up and to the left and then down to the bottom will do the same thing. CATEGORY 7: APPLE MACINTOSHES Jan. 14, 2004    When you started writing about computers and home tech stuff in 1983, I bought my wife a Commodore 64. Remember those? No hard drive at all. She played "switch-the-floppy" all day and wrote some simple programs. I thought the whole thing had no future. Thanks for being so kind and may the wind be at your back. It's hard to even imagine how many folks have benefitted from your writing. -- B.P., via bellsouth.net    When the doctor and his alter ego wrote about computers in 1983, the doc was happily writing simple programs on an Atari 130 XE. The doctor taught himself BASIC and later learned the C language. Sept. 17, 2003   Thank you soooooooooooo much! I just purchased an Apple iMac and know that it will suit my needs and my son's as well. I'll pass along your information and see if I can get a few more "converts." Thank you for your prompt and thorough answers -- even written in a way that a non-computer person can easily understand! -- C.L.R. Feb. 18, 2004    I read your buddy's article concerning Apple computers with great interest. Are they sold at special stores? I have been in stores that sell computers but never seen one and would like to. -- J.D.C., via AOL    Apple computers are sold by Apple computer dealers. Some stores that sell Apples are exclusive dealers. Others sell Windows computers along with Apple's Macintosh computers. You can find out more about Apple's models and get locations of Apple stores from www.apple.com. CATEGORY 8: PLAIN OLD STUFF Jan. 16, 2001    I am such a novice at computers! I would like to know what kind of classes are offered that would teach me basic skills. -- MIGHTY1GOD via AOL    The doctor suggests two approaches. The first is to check for classes at vocational schools (such as BOCES in Central New York) or community colleges (such as Onondaga Community College in the Syracuse area).    The second is to realize that names make a much bigger impression in e-mail, where you often have no identity otherwise, than they do in real life. If you truly want to be known as MIGHTY1GOD, that is your privilege. Otherwise, use your real name. Jan. 30, 2002    I would like to back up my system on diskettes. How do I do it? -- B.C., via Road Runner    The doctor has bad news for everyone who'd like to make backup copies of their Windows files onto floppy disks. Not only would such an operation take a lot of time and use a lot of disks; it would be astonishingly expensive.    If you have, say, a 10-gigabyte drive, you'd need 69.44 floppies to back up for each 100 megs of files, so a 10-gigabyte drive (100 megabytes times 100 equals 10 gigabytes) would require 6,944 floppies. This would cost $2,083 for a single backup.    Does the doctor have your attention yet? If more convincing is needed, the doc can supply more modern numbers, since most drives on newer computers are much larger than 10 gigabytes. If you have a 40-gigabyte drive, you'd need 27,776 floppy disks at a cost of $8,832. For a 100-gigabyte drive, you'd need 69,444 floppy disks at a cost of $20,833.    But the doc has not factored in the discount price of all those floppy disks. (Buying them by the thousands will guarantee a better price than the doc gets when he gets a pack of 10 disks at the supermarket.) You can figure on a savings of maybe 15% in each case, so the $20,833 cost of backing up a 100-gigabyte drive to floppies would not be as expensive. It would run only $17,708.    Unfortunately, floppies are notoriously unreliable, so you must make a separate backup to another set of floppies in order to know that your files are safe, so the final cost of using floppy disks to back up a typical modern PC would be about $4,000 for a small drive and about $35,000 for a large one.    The doctor KNOWS he has your attention by now. Making backups onto floppy disks is clearly out of the question. You need to use something that has a lot of capacity. The cheapest high-capacity storage medium for backups is a second hard drive. Jan. 21, 2004    You or your buddy wrote something recently that puzzles me: "Don't use CD-RWs. They don't last as long as CD-Rs."    This is the first time I have ever heard this. Do you mean that the disks themselves deteriorate or that the stored data don't last as long? Your article dealt with photos. Would your same statement apply to word processing data stored on CD-RWs? You've got me worried. I have a lot of opera libretti and song texts stored on RWs. -- E.K., via watervalley.net    CD-RWs are made to be erased. If you use them, someone (probably YOU) will erase them at the worst possible time. That's problem No. 1 in the doc's list of CD-RW problems.    No. 2 is the fact that CD burners weren't designed to use CD-RWs any more than toasters were designed to handle supersize bagels. CD burners treat CD-RWs as if they were CD-Rs while hiding the file table. Record again, and a new file table is created and the first one is hidden. And so on, for as many burns as you put on a CD-RW.    Eventually, the CD-RW will fill up with hidden data that you thought was erased and old file tables that aren't accurate. If the latest file table gets scrambled, you end up with a "coaster" and all your files will be unrecoverable. For long-term storage, use CD-Rs. Feb. 28, 2001    How does one pass on an e-mail message minus all the extra lines of numbers, links, etc? I hear there is a method of highlighting. Be gentle - grandNano learning. - Cape156, via AOL    The doctor is a grandDaddo, if that's the right term, having seven grandchildren, so he understands the frustration of coping with something others with younger fingers and newer brains seem to have no problem with at all.    But in fact there are two difficulties here, and both are getting in the way. (Actually, there are three, but the third represents more of an annoyance than a problem. The doctor will explain this shortly.)    The first difficulty is America Online. It uses nonstandard and, unfortunately, substandard e-mail methods. The doctor would not dream of disturbing non-AOL users once again with a laborious account of why AOL's mail is so bad. Let us agree that it is simply horrid and move on.    The second difficulty is the format of e-mail messages. When someone sends you a message and you reply, your e-mail program might "quote" the original message. (That is, it might send back the original text in a form that shows which part of the letter is yours and which part came from the previous message.)    The doc likes this way of quoting messages and uses it all the time. It eliminates all doubt as to what was said in the earlier message.    But what happens when you receive a message that's already been quoted and your software quotes it again? If you have well designed e-mail software, it will not double- or triple-quote material that's already quoted. But if you have AOL's mail - oh, sorry, the doctor didn't mean to wander back into the thicket.    The third item amounts to little more than an annoyance. Like so much other mail, the letter from "Cape156" arrived without the name of the sender. The doctor does not write letters that lack a signature, and he wishes everyone else would wake up and realize how important names are. "Cape156" tells the doctor nothing more than the fact that AOL has 155 other members who call themselves "Cape." (AOL allows members to chose their own "handle," but it adds a number to names that are already in use. For example, if someone else already is using "Snapple," an AOL member who tries to create that "handle" will instead be assigned "Snapple1.")    But habits are hard to break, and AOL keeps growing. For those stuck on the AOL treadmill, the doctor recommends StripMail, a free Windows program that removes excess quoting. Download it from www.dsoft.com.tr/stripmail. March 6, 2002    I was really put off by your harangue about hoaxes recently. You could have easily referred to a method of correction for those folks who fell victim, as I did, to the "sulfnbk.exe" hoax. You could have steered the "injured victims" to www.hoaxbusters.com where the subject hoax is identified and a technique for restoring the file can be found. To not provide a remedy is a disservice to your readers.    Then the doc belittled M.E.C of Clayton by assuming that a forwarded message had no redeeming value simply because it was forwarded. This assumption, in my opinion, is absurd, and certainly the response was not of the caliber one would expect from one so learned. With three or four sentences you could have explained a simple procedure for cleaning up forwarded email. M.E.C. should be commended for wishing to clean up the forwarded mail and protect the addresses of friends.    Keep up the good work and try not to disrespect your good readers. Please consider my complaint as constructive criticism. -- D.L., via usadatanet.net    The doctor should have listed sources of information on virus hoaxes at the end of his reply. But the doc won't change his opinion on the value of mass-forwarded mail (letters that have been forwarded more than twice).    Someone has to tell it like it is, and the doc has no problem being honest about this plague. March 10, 2004    Our grandson, age 7, is coming Friday afternoons after school for art lessons. He asked to do it, and they will go on only as long as he wants them to. We both have fun. Sometimes I draw along with him and we encourage each other. The one-hour session ends with a cookies and milk break. Then, if his mom and sister haven't come back yet, he gets to watch TV cartoons! I think he's enjoying the one-on-one time with his grandmother more than the actual lessons! -- S.B., a local artist    The doctor received this note the other day. It provided delightful relief from spam, Windows viruses and pleas for help with Outlook Express. Children are precious, as the doc's three grown offspring, seven grandchildren and innumerable nieces, nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews attest. March 12, 2003 In Windows, is there a way to create a right click (in other words, a click that opens the Properties menu) without using the mouse? -- B.P., via am.pnu.com. The doctor lives for little tricks like this. On a modern PC keyboard, press the "Apps" key, the one between the Windows key and the Ctrl key, at the right side of the keyboard. July 24, 2002   I like your idiosyncratic and crotchety style, which makes the stuff much more palatable. Gave me some good laughs too. I should learn to use it more in the classroom. -- M.G., Bio Sci Professor, Rhode Island    The doctor thinks he should use it less, so he's willing to trade some of his crotchetiness for M.G.'s scholasticism. On second thought, the good electrophysician might then have to learn Latin and Greek all over again, something he has vowed never to do. (Et tu, brutal studies!) July 27, 2005   I think pop-up ads aren't really so bad, doc. After all, they make a lot of pages posssible. The only pop-ups I object to are the ones that take over your surfing experience, for example the ones that use stay-on-the-top-window code. Ugh! You keep up the great work. -- R.E., via Juno.    The doctor would like to chide his reader for such a lapse of logic. No doubt one could argue that criminals make the FBI possible and arsenic makes poison centers possible, but the doctor would never do so. Pop-up ads and pop-up windows are an annoyance at best and a plague on all of us at worst.    In fact, many of them are actually part of a scheme to steal your identity: By recording your computer's Internet IP address and attempting to fool you into clicking a link within the pop-up, they attempt to steal your e-mail address (and your computer's location on the Net) so that your address can be used as the fake address of more spam and more spyware.    Saying that pop-up ads "aren't really so bad" is a sad commentary on our permissive society. They're terribly, awfully bad, and the doctor is surprised that anyone would defend them. July 28, 2004   I have made a family history, with pictures, to put in time capsules that I have created for my grandkids. What, if any, electronic medium will hold this content for 50 or 100 years? Zip disks, CD's, sticks, anything? Will anything, other than hardcopy, last more than a few years? -- B.R., via MSN.    The doc believes love lasts forever while CDs, DVDs, tapes, Zip disks and hard drives have short lives. CD-Rs probably are the longest-lasting medium, offering perhaps 10 years of reliable storage, but some experts believe CD-RWs will last even longer.    The doc's advice: If it's worth so much it's priceless, store it on CD. Make two copies and store them in separate locations, away from heat, sunlight and cold. Check them once a year by trying to copy all the files. After every two or three years, copy one of them to your hard drive and make two newly burned CD-Rs from the contents. Do that repeatedly. July 30, 2003    When e-mail messages are deleted from Outlook Express are they COMPLETELY deleted from my hard drive? I have heard that the deleted messages are "compressed" and stored somewhere on our hard disk. Is this true? If so, where are they stored and is there any way to completely delete them from the hard drive?    Also, is there any limit to the number of e-mails sent to or left in the Inbox? In other words, could the "Inbox" on our computer get so full that new e-mails could not be downloaded from our Internet provider? -- P.Z., from North Carolina    The doc believes most Internet users assume that Outlook Express mail they delete is gone. They are wrong. Mail can hang around forever, even if it's been deleted.    Mail remains in the trash until the trash is emptied, and then it remains on the hard drive until the mail storage area is compacted. So the doc strongly recommends compacting the message store now and then to force Outlook Express to clean out the old stuff. Deleting does not get rid of anything; it just hides stuff from the main mailboxes.    To compact the message store in Outlook Express, click the File menu and then click "Folders." Choose "Compact All Folders."    As for a limit on the number of messages, the doc knows of no stated limit. But he would guess that the real limit might be a little more than 32,000 Aug. 7, 2002   Block junk mail how thank you -- Loves Jesus, via webtv.net   The doctor loves Jesus, too, but he would not send anonymous mail that used those two words as the e-mail name. And although the doc appreciates terse messages, he can't help but think the six words in this letter could have been expanded to a normal sentence or two without taxing the abilities of the sender.    Send the doctor a letter using a real e-mail address and the doc will respond. Aug. 8, 2001    Is there a way to print the address book in the Outlook Express e-mail program? Is there a way to back it up? - M.K., via Road Runner    The good doctor is sometimes so wrong that he embarrasses himself. Such is the case here. In his personal reply to M.K., which he sent off as soon as M.K.'s letter arrived, the doctor said there was no way to print the Windows address book. (It's the one Outlook Express uses.) Later, the doc realized how wrong he was when he opened his own Windows address book and printed some of the entries.    To print entries in the Windows address book, click the "File" menu and choose "Print." You can print all entries or just ones you have selected.    For help backing up (copying) the address book, to to www.tomsterdam.com, which is run by one of the developers of Outlook Express. The advice there is outstanding, and it covers just about every function of Outlook Express. Aug. 9, 2000   Doctor, have you been stealing your colleague's mail? I wrote to Al and a week later I saw my letter answered under YOUR name in the newspaper. -- Bob, via Juno.    Some have accused the good paraphysician of being an alter ego. He admits to having an altered ego ever since the piano fell on his head -- but that's another story. Letters that arrive for the doc's pal are passed along to the doctor when appropriate. Since they often share the same computers, this usually is a simple task. Aug. 10, 2005   A word to cheer up the doc when he's slogging through some of the critical mail that comes in: The gently sarcastic humor that seeps into his column is a lot of the allure. Tell him to never change that. It's what makes reading his words seem like talking to an old friend. -- R.L., via mac.com.    The doctor believes life is too serious for most of us. A good chuckle is worth more than gold August 11, 2004   Through the years your advice and tips you give in the Post-Standard has become a a routine for myself and I'm sure many other computers users. Thanks for everything through the years. I look forward to many more. -- M.B., via Adelphia.net Aug. 14, 2002    I am trying to use the print screen key in windows mode. However, once I press Alt-Print Screen, I can't find my hidden clipboard that your partner discusses in his article. -- J.V.R., via chartermi.net    The doc is reminded that the clipboard in Windows, Macs and Linux is a mysteriously geeky thing that is never explained in daily life. But the clipboard is there, as sure as taxes are, and seldom needs to be viewed.    The clipboard is simply a desk drawer, more or less, that holds whatever you copied last. When you paste, a copy of whatever is in the clipboard is placed into your program. The contents of the clipboard remain ready to paste until you do one of two things -- shut down the computer or place something else in the clipboard.    Alt-Print Screen uses the "Print Screen" key (sometimes abbreviated) at the upper right of a PC keyboard. You hold down the Alt key while pressing the Print Screen key to capture the foreground window as an image in the clipboard. (To capture gthe entire screen, simply press the Print Screen key by itself.) Paste the clipboard into any kind of program that accepts images as pasted items. (Windows Paint and WordPad both work fine to show how this operates.) August 16, 2000    Some people think I am much smarter about computers than I really am and your column has a large part in that erroneous belief. Computers are fun and you help make them more accessible to the general public. -- D.B., via Juno    The doctor benefits the same way. His articles make him appear savvy, but he is often just as befuddled by computers and software as anybody else. His two guiding principles are: 1. It's only a computer, and 2: See Principle No. 1. August 27, 2003    It's gratifying to finally read information in clear and concise English which has quickly provided understanding of the problems I've been encountering recently with Windows XP. Thank you very much. -- R.L.G., via Cox.net Aug. 28, 2002   The doctor loves to get mail, but he does not love to get mail that is unsigned (sent without an e-mail "signature," consisting of a name at the bottom of the letter). The good electro-physician believes in the quaint practice of putting one's name on letters, whether they are sent by standard mail or e-mail.    So the kindly doc was puzzled by the following response to a note he returned to a reader who had written for help. The doc had, as always, reminded the writer that mail should be signed. This is part of what the reader sent in reply:    Sorry I didn't put my name, like you really care huh? Actually, I never sign my name as I take it people know me by my e-mail address. Just habit. -- RW via Earthlink    Yes, the doctor cares. He wishes letter writers would, too. Aug. 29, 2001    Do you know of any way to stop Internet Explorer from going to "auto.search.msn" when it can't figure out an address I typed? It really bugs me. -- B.H., via Asiaonline.net, Australia    The doctor detests this Big Brother aspect of Internet Explorer. The browser takes you to Microsoft's own online service when it has a problem with a Web address. At MSN, the address is fixed up, and you're counted as yet another MSN-using robot. Microsoft gets to claim that 35 billion people (or whatever the current number is) "depend on MSN for their information."    Yeah, right. And the doctor would like to sell Bill Gates a bridge, too. Despite the fact that Microsoft was judged guilty of running a criminal monopoly, the company continues to behave like a bully. The doc finds this single fact astonishing.    To rid your Web browser of this appallingly tasteless example of Microsoft's monopoly, do this:    Open the "Tools" menu, click "Internet Options," click "Advanced," then click (to place a checkmark beside) "Do not search from the Address bar." Aug. 30, 2000   At times your articles are very educational, although often times I have no idea what you are talking about. I read and listen, try to retain the information and often times as I learn more, what didn't make sense became another piece to the puzzle of PC land. I am 59 years old, so have never learned anything about computers in school, as this generation is. I still work full time and maintain my home and have family commitments that prevent me from taking evening courses. Friends that have taken night classes tell me that the instructors spoke a whole different language and they had no idea what was being taught.    Recently, I think it was you, that gave the meaning of "spam." I can't remember what is, and someone just asked me. -- M.B., via Road Runner    Ordinarily the doc takes all credit and avoids all blame, but he's 'fessing up this time and admitting that he's never said a word about the meaning of "spam" in his entire life. So he asked his altered ego to look into the subject. Here's what turned up.    No one really knows why unsolicited Internet mail is called "spam." But there is a theory that seems to make sense. Here's how it goes:    First, there is actual SPAM. It's been made by Hormel Foods Corp. since 1937. It's canned ham that's been spiced up. (SPiced hAM -- get it?) It's supposed to be written in capital letters.    Then there's the famous skit on the British TV series, "Monty Python's Flying Circus." In that skit, a restaurant customer asks the waiter what is on the menu. The waiter replies: "Well, we have fried eggs and ham, egg, sausages and SPAM. Then there's egg, ham, and SPAM, sausage, egg and SPAM, egg with SPAM, SPAM, egg and SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, ..." Finally, the Viking chorus starts singing: "SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, lovely SPAM, wonderful SPAM."    This caught on as a joke, and before long people who were bored while chatting (by typing on the keyboard) on the Internet sometimes filled their entire message screens with pointless drivel, just as the Monty Python crew filled the airwaves with a nonsense song about SPAM. Such senseless repetition of words in Internet chats became known as "Spam," and the word was later applied to unwanted messages sent as e-mail.    What does the Hormel Corp. say about all this? Find out at www.spam.com. (The doc has a hint: Hormel is good-natured but wishes everyone would start calling unsolicited mail something else.) Sept. 28, 2005   Doc, normally I don't write Thank You notes for stuff posted on the Internet, But after spending HOURS trying to solve my taskbar problem without any success, and checking many many Internet pages for solutions (including Microsoft's) with absolutely no solutions found, I happened to come across your advice.    Somehow I managed to get my taskbar stuck on the TOP of my screen and was unable to move it back to the bottom. You can imagine my fustrations with only being able to move it to the side or back to the top again. Finally, I found your very nicely explained solution. AND IT WORKED!! Thank goodness! So I send to you a very grateful THANK YOU! -- Jason, via gmail.    The doctor was glad to be of help. If Microsoft had paid attention to the doctor's plea to add a grab handle to the taskbar, this problem would have gone away. March 17, 2004    You wrote that we should all turn off our computers when we're not using them to be as safe as possible. But can't we simply just unplug the phone line from the modem or the cable line from the computer to prevent intrusion when we're not using the computer instead of unplugging it? -- R.M, via AOL    The doc likes that idea except for one thing: Unplugging the phone line many times a day will eventually weaken the plug. Undoing the cable to the cable modem is quite hard to do, especially if you had to do it every few hours. So the doctor left those options out in the interest of brevity.    The best protection against attacks across the Internet is a safe operating system combined with reduced exposure time -- in other words, an operating system other than Windows on a computer that is turned off when it's not being used. Windows users should be especially wary and should turn off their computers when they are finished for the day. March 20, 2002    I have received e-mail that I have sent, and when I look at it I see all the names of the people that I sent the e-mail to and their e-mail addresses. Is there any way to hide those addresses? -- S.W., via Road Runner    E-mail programs are sometimes too cute for their own good. All modern e-mail software comes with a built-in feature that does just what S.W. is looking for, hiding behind a designation only Eve Arden would understand. (She played the lead in "Our Miss Brooks," a radio show from the ... uh-oh, the doctor is about to reveal how ancient he is! Let us simply note that she played a teacher in an old-fashioned school.)    This feature is the "Blind Carbon Copy," or BCC. Instead of putting the recipient's address into the "To:" line, you put it into the "BCC:" line. Recipients in the "BCC" category aren't visible in the received letter.    Without revealing why he knows this, the doc also wishes to point out that "Carbon Copy" refers to an old method of making duplicates on a typewriter. A typewriter is a device that old folks used to use before computers and printers were invented. March 24, 2004    I was surprised at the excitement your buddy was able to muster over obscenities in the Windows source code that were revealed a few weeks ago. I have a friend who has worked for a major software company for several years and he tells me that this is common practice, something that has just always been done. I can see where, in some ways, it's also useful. Communication between people, especially in writing and over time, is often best done with frank discussion but it is also helped along sometimes by self-deprecation, interjections, and expressions of frustration or disgust. -- B.F., via Dreamscape    The doctor considers obscenities inexcusable in professional work. March 24, 2004    What does it matter how much obscenities there are in the source? Microsoft programmers have every right to swear in their source code if they feel it's fit. And 99% of the general public isn't going to be seeing it anyway. -- T.K., via tomchu.com.    If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, whether they are using obscene language or not, will there be a sound? The doc believes that language reflects who we are. Obscene comments from Microsoft programmers do not belong in the Windows code, even if only a few people see the foul language. March 24, 2004    I once worked for a manufacturer that made electrical cords for things like Schick shavers and shop vacs. One of my short-term duties was to wrap up the completed cords, tie them off and put them in the shipping cartons. Occasionally I would draw a smiley face on the inside of a carton flap before sealing it up. When the foreman found out about that, I nearly got fired. If a small company took this minor breach of professionalism so seriously, I am more than surprised at the unprofessionalism shown by Microsoft. -- T.O., via Road Runner. July 18, 2001    I graduated from a local university with a BA in Information Science this May. I've been attempting to find employment in the IT (Information Technology) industry (mostly locally) since then, but it's slow going. Having met with the college career services department, spoken with IT placement agencies, placing my resume on numerous employment websites (as well as searching them), sending my resume unsolicited to many companies, and applying for 90 or so positions total, I still do not have a job. I've applied to so many, I had to create a database just to keep track of everything.    I have some experience, but not a lot (two to three years). Most hands-on IT related experience has been unpaid volunteer work for various organizations and my brother's business. If it weren't for extrapolating information from duties with them, my resume wouldn't be much to look at! In total, from all my work I have received three interviews.    I currently possess two bachelor's degrees, one in Education, another (recently obtained) in Information Science. Also hold an associates in Human Services. All resumes and cover letters have been tailored to the specific position (if any).    Do you have any advice for me in gaining employment in this field? I read your alter ego's short bio on his Web site. Since he and you have been in the field for some time and hold numerous positions, I thought you'd be a good person to ask. -- K.M., via Road Runner    The doctor suspects that most people who are fresh out of school don't know enough of the things that matter in business and professional careers. Life teaches us what is important; colleges don't. As important as a college education is, it cannot replace what you learn by plodding along in the real world. The doc wishes there were a gentler way to explain this, but there isn't.    You're doing the right thing. You're learning what you could never learn in college. Don't get discouraged. When companies worth working for ask what real experience you have, you'll be far ahead. You will be paying your way -- not with money, of course, but with guts and skill.    The doc and his pal spent a lot of time paying their way, too. Every now and then the doc wonders how he could have done things differently. Usually, the answer has no technical component at all. The doc could have spoken out more and he could have listened better.    The doc is not blessed with a technical education, having had only two years of college before heading off to a newspaper career, but that seems to have helped, not hindered, the doctor's career. He has learned on his own, from life. (His doctorate in confusology came not from a standard educational institution but from a ceremony during 4th Grade, at which the young lad who was to become Dr. Gizmo was anointed "Doctor" by his friends. He was called "Doctor" throughout school. July 20, 2005   First, let me say that the only reason I buy the Wednesday Post-Standard is because of your articles!    I wanted to tell you about a phishing scam I just came in contact with. I had four messages in my spam folder supposedly from Yahoo saying they were about to suspend my account for several reasons, one of which being that a large volume of mail was being sent from my computer (an OS X Macintosh). If I did not respond right away by filling out the attachment, they would have no choice but to suspend my account. I must admit, I tried opening the attachment, but my Mac ignored it. (It was a Windows virus.)    I tried replying to the messages, but I got messages in my inbox that they could not be delivered. Then I got suspicious and sent a complete description of the problem to mail-spoof@cc.yahoo-inc.com. They were very interested in this. Tell your readers about this. The actions I took when I realized that this was "phishy" I learned from you. Thanks for all you do. -- T.M., via yahoo.com.    The doc and his buddy appreciate T.M.'s account of encountering "phishing" attempts (ploys that try to fool you into responding to official-looking e-mail). Everyone who receives e-mail is likely to get such scams. The doc gets more than 100 a day.    Yahoo and other Internet service providers already know about these scams, so you don't have to inform them unless you feel better doing so. The doc simply deletes them or instructs his spam filter to catch them before he even sees them. April 14, 2004    Doctor, the furor over obscenities in the Windows source code, and the criticism you and your altered ego got for taking a stand against it, prompted me to write. I've been writing and maintaining professional software code for over 15 years in many major companies, and it definitely is NOT common practice to have obscenities written within source code. It is NEVER useful for professional programmers to "communicate" by putting comments in source code, obscene or not. The only comments appropriate in source code are ones that describe the function of the code to make it easily understood. -- P.V., via Verizon DSL, Boston    The doc confesses to an amazement that anyone would write obscenities into the computer code for any serious software program. But he can only report astonishment that others would insist that such profanity is acceptable. March 26, 2000    I eagerly await your column on Sunday and your regular instructions and put-down of Windows. It seems incredible that such a poor system as Windows could succeed and make Bill Gates a billionaire. Do you suppose you could get the job of fixing windows once and for all? Have you approached them about this idea? It seems perfectly plausible to me, and I would love to have a much more perfect system to work with. -- C.P.H. via AOL    When the doctor began typing this reply on his non-Windows PC and entered the letters "Bill" to write "Bill Gates," his word processor automatically inserted the word "Billionaire" in place of "Bill." The doc immediately switched to a Windows PC and did not see this behavior, presumably because Billionaire Gates (Sorry! There it goes again! he means, of course, "Bill Gates") would not want his personal wealth to be so identified with a spell checker.    But the doctor sees this is just one more indication that something is out of whack in the PC world. Whether Gates & Co. can fix the mess of an operating system that can't operate properly is not clear. But one thing the doc knows: He's not available to fix Windows. March 26, 2003    My sister sent me an e-mail that brings you to a Web page that says, "This is the end of the Internet." I realize that was a joke (or at least I think it was), but isn't there actually an end in some way? How could it go on for ever? -- B.T., age 11    The doctor believes some things do go on forever and ever. The surface of a sphere goes on without stopping, for example. No matter how far you go if you travel on a sphere (or on a globe such as the Earth), you never reach the "end."    The doc considers the Internet like the surface of a sphere. There is no end to it because of the way everything is connected. March 30, 2005    I found your 1991 article on PC radiation. What about 2005 laptops with Centrino wireless chips that stream broadband media inches from my ovaries? -- Saira (no address)    The doctor has fallen asleep many times snuggled against his laptop computer. He's happy to report that laptop, or notebook, computers don't emit the kind of electromagnetic radiation that most desktop PCs do.    The source of most electromagnetic radiation is the old-fashioned cathode ray tube (CRT) monitor, which is found in most desktop systems. Laptop and notebook computers have LCD screens, which emit no radiation. April 16, 2003    Please thank your partner for pointing out that some DVD players can view JPEGs. I knew my DVD player had the ability to view "Kodak" CDs but never even thought about popping my CD in to see if it would view regular JPEG images. I got a scanner for Christmas and have been scanning all of my family's pictures and saving to CD. These pictures go back to the early 1900's. Wow! Viewing them on my TV screen is great. I found the clarity and depth to be even better than on a computer screen. The better pictures have almost a 3D effect.    I do have a minor problem: The pictures seem to be slightly distorted and the larger JPGs cut off a small portion of the top & bottom of the pictures. There should be a setting to make the picture full screen but keep the aspect ratio. My manual says there are several settings but they don't seem to work. I have to wonder if this is a setting specifically embedded in the Kodak CDs. -- R.M.    The doctor likes Kodak's Picture CDs, but, alas, there is nothing special about them. They don't carry any instructions about how TVs should show their images.    As for the distorted and cut-off images, the problem is as old a television itself. Nearly all TV sets are designed to enlarge the picture so that the edges (top, bottom, left and right) are cut off when the TV is operating normally. Then, when the tube starts to go bad -- when the power supply starts failing, in other words -- the picture shrinks a little, the set's built in "overscan" keeps the shrinking picture from appearing shrunken. It goes from being too big for the screen to being the right size, more or less, just before it goes to that TV heaven in the sky.    The doctor interrupts himself to admit that this is a totally whacko idea. We shouldn't have to put up with such nonsense.    Fortunately, we don't have to, as long as we buy non-CRT televisions. TVs without cathode ray tubes do not have perpetually shrinking pictures, and manufacturers don't need to keep us from seeing the edges of our images.    So the next time you buy a TV, the doctor recommends a look at one of the flat-screen LCD or plasma models. They might cost a fortune now, but they'll be just as cheap as normal sets before long. In addition to their other virtues, they exhibit no overscan. April 16, 2003     On my other computer, I cannot drag the icons around the screen to put my Wallpaper picture in best view. They go back to an orderly vertical and horizontal columns. What's wrong? -- J.M., via Juno    The doctor wishes Microsoft would pay more attention to the problems we all have with the way icons work. To fix this, right click on the desktop and click "Arrange Icons." The checkmark will be cleared from that setting. April 23, 2000    Any idea what would cause my Floppy drive to run as my pc starts to boot into Windows?    What happens is I boot up my machine, it comes to the background screen, my Windows startup sound plays, the floppy light comes on, it tries to access a floppy about 5 times (that awful noise), then it stops and everything appears OK. I even tried going into safe mode and seeing if it would do the same thing. It did, but the floppy would run continuous and didn't stop until i turned the PC off. Any ideas how to troubleshoot this? -- G.S., via Road Runner    The doc sent off an e-mail reply as soon as this letter arrived and realized later that his answer was wrong. (The doc is too smart to repeat the wrong answer; he'd never hear the end of it!)    What Windows is doing is trying to locate a file on a disk in the floppy drive. This could be a program Windows is trying to run or a data file a program thinks it needs. It could also be caused by You need to find what is responsible for this annoyance before you can fix the problem.    Start with the easiest possible solution. Get rid of all "recent" shortcuts to files on floppy disks. Click the Start button and click "Run." Type "recent" (no quotes) and press Enter. Without doing anything else and without touching the mouse, press Ctrl-A and then immediately press the Delete key (sometimes shown as the "Del" key). If Windows asks if you really want to delete the files, answer Yes by pressing the "Y" key. Then, without touching the mouse or pressing any other keys, press Alt-F4. (That closes the folder window.)    If this does not solve the problem, do this if you have Windows 98:    Click the Start button and then "Run." Type "msconfig" (no quotes) and press the Enter key. A Microsoft system utility program will run. Click the "Startup" tab at the top of the window and uncheck every program that is starting up except the one called Systray. (There are others you will want to have running, but only Systray is required. It provides the "tray" area at the right of the taskbar.) Click the "OK" button and close the window.    If you have Windows 95, install a utility that lets you do the same kind of thing. If you already have Fix-It 99 or Fix-It 2000, use the "Customizer" section to uncheck programs that start with Windows. (The doctor prefers Fix-It over all other Windows fix-and-improve programs.) April 23, 2003    In a recent column, your partner cautioned people to "stay away from Postscript fonts". For those of us involved with graphic design and high-quality printing, they are the ONLY fonts to use! Printers don't like TrueType (PC) fonts because they are vastly less reliable than Postscript (Mac) fonts. Which, unlike TrueType fonts, are made up of both Screen Fonts and Printer Fonts. -- S.R., via Road Runner    The doctor hears this old argument every now and then. It's based on a few misconceptions. TrueType fonts are not "PC" fonts; they were first used on Apple's Macintoshes. Print shops that don't know how to use TrueType fonts aren't being helpful; they're being ignorant. TrueType fonts don't have separate screen and printer versions because they rasterize (create screen characters) on the fly.    The doctor refuses to accept the argument that one kind of font format is better than another. There is nothing wrong with PostScript fonts. There is nothing wrong with TrueType fonts. Modern Macs, Windows PCs and Linux computers all make good use of TrueType fonts, yet they can all use PostScript fonts also. (And all three can use OpenType fonts, which Apple and Microsoft helped design to supplant TrueType fonts.) April 28, 2004   I have recently had my computer repaired (viruses) and had a CD burner installed. Since then I have been unable to rename any of my pictures! I highlight them as always, go to "Rename" and come up against a message that tells me not to change the name. It says, "If you change file name extension, the file may become unusable. Are you sure you want to change it?" If I say "Yes," the photo becomes unusable. I have contacted the woman who repaired computer twice and she does not seem to know what to do. -- M.C., via usadatanet.    The doc knows precisely what the problem is. M.C. is removing the three- or four-character filename extension from the name. (They follow a period at the end of the name.) Leave the extension alone when renaming the photo. April 30, 2003    I want to thank you for your articles and advice. Nothing like it anywhere else. I anticipate selling my computer and want to erase my hard drive of personal and financial data. I see there are several types of software on the market that say they will do erasing. Any suggestions? -- H.R., via Odyssey.net    The doctor has a quick method: He would remove the drive, place it on the driveway and smash it to bits with a large hammer. If you have data on the drive you do not want someone else to view, there is no other method that works reliably. No matter what someone else says, disk drives hold remnants of their data no matter how well they are erased.    New drives are very cheap, so the buyer should not have a problem.    However, that used PC might not be worth much anyway. A typical used PC is worth no more than $50 if it's in good shape and three years old or less. (When you can get a new PC for $199, used PCs are almost free.) May 2, 2001   Is there any software I can purchase or download to put on my PC to set a time limit? We are trying to have my son stop using it say at 11:15 PM at night, if you get my drift. - J.D. via hdcs.com    The doc is sure there is software that will do anything you want it to, including the task of taking over parental responsibilities. But, alas, parents need to be parents. With seven grandchildren, the doctor himself knows how hard being a parent is, and he is not offering his advice lightly.    Schools deal with this sort of thing all the time. They don't tell us they're going to replace guidance counselors with robots just because being a guidance counselor is hard. The cops don't stay home on days when there might be bad guys in town. Firemen don't sit in the station when it's raining and your house is burning down. Parents need to be parents and set rules. That's their job. May 9, 2001   We are in the 8th grade at Pamlico County Middle School in Bayboro, N.C. We have decided to map an e-mail project. We are curious to see where in the world our e-mail will travel. If you get this letter please perform the following steps as soon as possible:    1. E-mail us back at (address deleted).    2. Tell us your first name only, city, state, and country.    3. Send this to everyone on your e-mail list!    -- The kids at Pamlico County Middle School, Bayboro, N.C.    The doctor was both pleased and perturbed to receive this message. Communication is a good thing. Spam is a bad thing. Here's what the doc wrote back to the students:    Hi, kids! This would be a nice project except for one thing: Sending uninvited e-mail letters to "everyone" as you suggested is more than just a bad idea; it's THE bad idea of the current century.    People who care about things don't do that sort of activity. Why clutter up the mail that way? What you should consider doing is asking people to write back and tell you about their lives on the Internet. But writing to people and telling them to send a letter to "everyone" is just one more form of Spam. Ugh. C'mon, guys, don't do that. Please. May 15, 2000  Your sense of humor in answering some of your harshest critics is most entertaining. Regarding the recent Klez virus: I believe Mac owners have no worries, yet I had some strange e-mail sent to me yesterday. They were e-mails that were "undeliverable" from the mail delivery system -- it turns out that I did not send out these e-mails. So, I am a bit confused. Is this due to my being in a person's address book whose PC is infected with the Klez Worm? -- J.F., via Road Runner    The doctor has good news and bad news.    First, the good news: The Klez Worm, like 60,000 other current viruses and worms, infects only Windows computers. So Macs, Linux PCs and other non-Windows computers can't get it.    Now the bad news: Anyone who does e-mail in any fashion -- by a Windows PC, by a Mac, by Web TV, by a pigeon with a Palm strapped in a mini-backpack, maybe -- can be affected by the Klez Worm. That's because the Klez Worm steals e-mail addresses and uses the ones it stole to create fake "From:" addresses on mail it sends out.    So if your Aunt Nellie has 500 names in her Windows address book, she might be getting YOU in big trouble if she allows the Klez Worm to infect her Windows PC. The worm could send itself out to all those recipients and make it seem like the renewed worm infestation came from you.    The doctor can't stress this enough. Many people seemed bewildered when they wrote to the doc about what the Klez Worm does, and far too many are missing the point. The doctor prescribes a few minutes of quiet time memorizing the next few sentences.    The Klez Worm can make it seem as if you are mailing a virus (a worm is a special kind of virus) to any number of recipients. If these recipients decide to take you off their Wednesday bridge-party list, that's one kind of social penalty. But if their ISP decides to block all your mail because you refused to stop sending the virus, you'd surely object.    The doc wants you to realize that the Klez Worm does this no matter what kind of computer or operating system you have. Mail that seems to be from you is treated as if it IS from you.    If someone stole your credit card and got you deep into debt and thereby ruined your credit, you'd be devastated. The Klez Worm is no different. It has already stolen the e-mail addresses of millions of e-mail users, no matter if they are Windows users or not, and it damages the reputations of all those individuals each time it sends itself out under their addresses. The doctor wants everyone who has been ignoring e-mail safety to start taking this more seriously. May 15, 2000    After I got the Klez Virus, I called Road Runner and asked if it was possible to delete e-mail without opening it first. The person I talked to muttered something and wasn't able to answer my question. I guess I should have asked you. I didn't know that you could turn the preview pane off. Thank you. And your sense of humor is great! -- J. U., via Road Runner May 16, 2001   I sort my e-mail chronologically. Yet my replies to some sender's messages cue up before their questions. In short, although my computer clock is set correctly, it appears that my answers are being sent before senders even ask the question. This makes it very difficult afterwards to follow a conversation when using a chronological sort.    What is the problem? I've asked the senders to please check their computer clocks but to no avail. Sender messages arrive with time and date stamps later than my sending out my reply. What can be done to correct this? -- B.T., via a-znet    The doctor suffers from this malady, too, and has even received replies to his messages before he has sent them -- if he is to believe the time shown on the replies.    The time and date shown on a letter you receive is governed solely by the time and date on the originating computer. Your computer has no say over the matter. There is nothing you can do to fix this. All you can do is ask the daffy folks who send mail with the wrong date to fix their computer clocks. May 22, 2002   What is going on here? I have a new Compaq PC running Windows XP. I do a few simple things and my utility software tells me it found "15 errors in the Registry." I tell the software to fix the errors and it says they are taken care of. However, the next time I do this same thing the "15 errors" are back again.    I don't understand it. How come it is not fixed? Where are these errors coming from and what is the registry anyway? I wish I had even a speck of your knowledge. -- M.B. Via AOL    As much as many of us love Windows, we all have to admit that it has its weaknesses. One of them is the Windows Registry, a huge database, or storage area, where Windows keeps all of its instructions. If this list gets messed up, Windows gets messed up, too.    The problem, to be gentle about this, is that the Windows Registry gets messed up all the time. Microsoft knows this but hasn't done anything about it. Programmers who deal with Windows daily know this, also, of course, and some of them have specialized in so-called "utility" software that attempts to repair the Registry.    The most successful Registry-repair software the doctor has yet seen is System Suite, available in stores or online at www.ontrack.com. But even System Suite cannot fix the Windows Registry for more than a short time. The doctor has seen Windows installations that become corrupted within a day or two.    Other computer operating systems such as OS X and Linux are much more stable than Windows, partly because they do not use a registry. The doc wishes Microsoft would reconsider. May 23, 2001  I have a Sony PCG-F630 notebook computer. The computer is supposed to have 64 MB of RAM but when I check system performance it indicates 60.0 MB. Am I missing some memory? What happened to the other 4 megabytes? -- K.M. via Earthlink.    The doctor sometimes suspects his own memory is missing, but when that happens he fixes himself another cup of coffee (Green Mountain Organic Peruvian) and his memory seems to snap back.    What's happening to K.M.'s computer is not missing memory, however. The video display system is taking 4 megabytes of memory for itself. Because memory taken for the display is not available for general use, Windows does not show it as part of the pool of memory.    AGP video chips and circuit cards do this by design. Computers with non-AGP cards seldom have this kind of memory crossover. June 2, 2004    Doctor, I think we are all getting tired of Windows. Since I installed Windows 2000, there have been over 35 Microsoft updates and one 130-megabyte service pack. That is on top of the three service packs that are included on my Windows CD. Enough is enough. Just fix it or throw it away. -- M.V., via earthlink.    The doc commends Microsoft for trying to fix problems with Windows, even if it has to refix the fixes sometimes. But he wonders why Microsoft has not yet recalled such a buggy operating system. Product recalls should clearly apply to computer software, especially when so many people depend on it every day. June 5, 2002    I just read something you wrote a few years ago that said Windows 98 is able to heal itself. Guess what, pal. You're full of crap. See if Windows 98 will heal itself after a virus or 3-year old has used it. -- dstump, via jackson-tube.com    The doctor pleads guilty to expressing one opinion in 1997 and another in 2002. June 5, 2002   Doctor, you're deaf as a doorknob. You have obviously never listened to a really great audio system. -- J.R., via xvertx.com   The doctor actually is partially deaf in one ear as the result of an artillery explosion in Vietnam in which many others were killed or wounded. So the good doctor considers himself exceptionally lucky. J.R. is less fortunate, not having had an opportunity to learn some of the gentlemanly manners required for civilized discourse. June 5, 2002    I can't tell you the number of times I've been frustrated by this computer, and then read something you've written and the light bulb goes off and I have an "aha!" moment. You certainly help a great number of people. When we first got this computer. I was afraid I'd push the wrong button, and when that stupid error message would come on, well, it scared me to death. Now, I still don't know what I'm doing half the time, but it doesn't scare me anymore. -- D.M, via a-znet.com.    The doc doesn't know what he is doing half the time, either. But he usually tells others about his mishaps to help them avoid the same mistakes. June 12, 2002    If I view the message source in my mail software instead of opening the letter, is this the same thing as opening the mail? Or is it a safe way to avoid the risk of opening a virus while still viewing the contents? -- D.M., via Road Runner    The doctor is asked this a lot. Alas, the mail software can't let you see the mail without opening it. There's no magic in this. So if you are viewing it in one way or another, you're telling the mail software to open it. June 13, 2001  I just bought an Argus digital camera and came across the following phrase in the owner's manual. It says the Argus is "an Amalican tradician." It's made in China. Don't they run these things through a spelling checker? -- F.W., via usdatanet    The doc wondered if this could have been a joke, but F.W. sent along a copy of the owner's manual. The problem isn't that the Chinese have a hard time with English, but that the Argus company isn't paying attention to what it's doing. June 21, 2000   After having Road Runner hooked up I have had problems with Windows 98. Anything I do results in a message that says "illegal function -- this computer will shut down." I called Road Runner and they said it is a Windows problem. Anything I can do about it? -- L.K., via Road Runner    The doc is trying hard to resist the anti-Microsoft fervor that has afflicted his partner, Al Fasoldt. Al would no doubt say that someone who owned a troublesome TV would choose another brand. Likewise, he'd probably say someone who lived near a stinky field would want to move to pleasant pastureland. And that means he'd probably add that someone who doesn't appreciate the way Windows behaves should choose a different operating system.    But the doc understands that Windows is as much an unwelcome guest as it is an operating system, and he believes guests should be treated civilly. So his prescription here is to fix Windows, not replace it.    Here are three ways to do this: First, get Fix-It Suite and use it wisely. Second, buy and install a second hard drive (for about $100.) Third, get a drive-image backup program and use it. Store the backed-up C: drive files on the second hard drive. June 23, 2004   You're lucky they keep you on the payroll. -- Sparky, via Yahoo.    The doc agrees. June 26, 2002    I heard do you have a referance of runescape and that this program is capible of raising the level of your character on runescape my e-mail is abc4u918@hotmail.com.    The doc has enough trouble with real-life characters. His advice for Runescape users is to use a spell checker and to get out into the real world now and then. June 28, 2000   I have used just about every browser there is and never even installed a antivirus program, and still have not received any viruses. -- J.M., via Tampa Bay, Fl. Road Runner    The doc knows many people who spend a lot of time worrying about computer viruses whose computers have never been infected, and he knows many others who worry not at all, and their computers have not been hit either. But expecting this sort of casual statement to have any rational meaning is evidence of poor listening habits during high school classes on elemental logic. All cows have legs and all tables have legs, so are all tables cows? Hardly. Take this one step closer to the subject at hand. Harry walks in the middle of the road and has never been hit by a car, so all people who walk in the middle of the road will never get hit by cars, right?    Of course not. So let's get real here. The doc thinks people who refuse to protect their computers against viruses are asking for trouble. Privately, the good doctor would say something a little stronger, but this is a family publication. June 29, 2005 Why in the world do you have to run the alert broadcasting message every two minutes? Golly, I can't even watch the commercials! -- Jackie Acome    The doctor loves to get mail. Unfortunately, he has no idea why this one was addressed to him July 2, 2003    Thanks for nothing. Next time I need a lecture I'll know where to go. -- R., via yahoo.com The doctor had chided R. for leaving his name off his mail. July 2, 2003    Is there a method of operating a computer on the Internet without using a phone line? -- L.D., via usa.com.    The doc has just such a connection on the computer he shares with his buddy. The connection is through an Ethernet cable from the computer to a signal translator, and a cable-TV wire from there to the pole outside. The signal translator is a modem, but it's very different from the modems used with telephone lines.    There are other methods, too, including direct connection through a high-speed wire. July 3, 2002   Cleaning windows can be a hassle - getting them streak-free and perfectly clean can be almost impossible without the right cleaner. If you would like to receive more information about how to make your home and automotive glass and mirrors so clean they become almost invisible, please REPLY to this email and enter "glass cleaner" in the SUBJECT line -- make sure it's the SUBJECT line otherwise our system will not recognize your request. -- Spam letter, source unknown    The doctor appreciates this advice about windows. He has passed it along to Microsoft. July 4, 2001    Doctor, you and your pal need a life. How many weeks has it been since you last slammed Microsoft? It amazes me that the Syracuse newspapers even carries your rants when Microsoft software isn't to your liking. How about spending more than five minutes on next week's Technology article?    Have you actually spent any time breaking into a computer on the Internet? My guess is that you have not. Have you ever considered that the software that most hackers break may not be a Microsoft product? The actual software is usually a web server, database engine, mail server, gateway, or some other support application.    Your point that anyone can break into a Windows 95, 98 or Me computer despite passwords is as old as computer security itself. You can configure a Sun OS machine without passwords. Or you can put up the security and maintain a secure machine.    Did you know that there are viruses on Mac and Unix platforms? Do you know why there are more viruses for PC's? Gee, could it be that 95 percent of all computers sold today are PC's?    When you spend all your time ranting about the flaws in Microsoft, I feel like you cheated the readers of the Syracuse newspapers. -- S.S., via Road Runner    The doctor believes that psychology, not technology, determines the degree of frustration felt by S.S. and others who are threatened by change. The doctor would never attempt to break into other computers, and this, according to S.S., would seem to make the doc less of an authority on computer security than he would be otherwise.    But the good electro-physician also has failed in other areas. He has never poisoned another human being (and is therefore unqualified, apparently, to suggest that poisoning is wrong). He also has never killed someone else (and therefore should be banned from speaking out against murder), nor has the doctor ever been beheaded (and apparently should therefore give up his right to speak out against the guillotine).    One does not need to imitate bad deeds to know that they are wrong. Nor does one need to sympathize with Microsoft or any other software company to know the difference between sense and nonsense.    As for the other accusations in the letter, the doctor rests on his record. He is fully aware of the weaknesses of Windows, and no amount of rant can convince him that Swiss cheese is armor plated. Windows is subject to viruses because it is badly designed, not because miscreants write viruses. July 5, 2000   I just read in an article that you should turn off your antivirus software before you install a new program. I reloaded some stuff a while back including my Ontrack Systemsuite and I'm pretty sure my McAfee virus software was running when I did it all! Should I reload again? Try to install over existing programs?(will they just overwrite?) or uninstall and reload all? -- D.B., via Earthlink    Nonsense. The doc finds this less than amusing. The company that created Windows is unable to figure out a way for you to update some programs while others are running, yet 14-year-olds in Bratislava have figured out how to create viruses that "update" any programs they find on your computer, no matter what's running.    The doc can't help but think that this is upside-down logic. If viruses can do it, why can't antivirus software do it? Why do the crooks get the latest guns while law-abiding citizens are stuck with pea shooters?    In case the doc glossed over this too quickly, the problem is that Windows warns you to close down all programs when you install something. Windows doesn't have any way of protecting Program A and Program B while you are installing program C. Yet Windows viruses are able to install THEMSELVES while everything is running.    So if the people who program viruses know how to do this, why doesn't Microsoft? Microsoft prevents users from doing legitimate normal updates but allows viruses to do whatever they want. Is this crazy or are we all turkeys?    Back to your question: Just reinstall without uninstalling if you're worried about how everything went. THE BEST CATEGORY: PALINDROMES July 9, 2003   My all-time favorite palindrome is "Darn ocelots stole Conrad." I heard it from my sister in California. Hope you and your Mac-loving buddy enjoy it. -- R.T., via Dreamscape.    The doctor and his Mac-loving buddy had never heard that one. Nor had the doc or his Apple-idolizer come across this special palindrome, which the doctor located on a Web site: "Doc, note I dissent: a fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod." The doctor considers this his new favorite, since it even mentions the peripatetic electrophysician at the start of the palindrome.    The Web site is www.palindromes.org. It's a wonderful diversion. Palindromes, as faithful patients of the doctor's ramblings might already know, are phrases that say the same thing when spelled backward. July 9, 2003    The first Palindrome I encountered, many years ago (mid 1950s), was this one, referring to Napoleon: "Able was I ere I saw Elba." Thanks for tweaking my memory, and thanks for so many useful tips you give us all the time. -- F.C., via Road Runner    The doc doesn't diet on cod and has never seen Elba, but he's always enjoyed palindromes. Fans of palindromes who appreciate the principle involved -- that something meaningful can be reflexive, able to be turned backwards without changing its meaning -- might want to read Douglas R. Hofstadter's Pulitzer-Prize-winning book, "Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid," which explores self-reflexivity in mathematics, music and science, among many other fascinating ideas.    The doc read the first edition of "GEB" 25 years ago and never forgot one of the book's definitions of self-reflexivity: "This sentence no verb." That's not a palindrome, of course, but it's fascinating nonetheless. It's a perfect example of something that tells you what it is in two different ways. Or perhaps the doc should say that nonetheless, fascinating it is. July 23, 2003    Stop wasting space talking about spam and these dumb "palindromes!" Palindromes are NOT TECHNOLOGY They are literature as far as I am concerned. -- D.M., via Bigfoot.com July 23, 2003    The Palindromist is a wonderful resource, doctor. It's at www.realchange.org/pal. As for favorite palindromes, mine might be the name of a now defunct local band, a group of young men who called themselves "Drawn InWard," which name also described their music. -- D.S., via Bigfoot.com    The doc checked out the Web site and saw this delightful entry: "Lapses? Order red roses, pal." Oct. 1, 2003   Doctor, your delight in palindromes prompted me to send you this item from a Web site. It's self-explanatory. -- C.R., via Road Runner    Here's what C.R. (and others) sent:    "Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is tahtthe frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, butthe wrod as a wlohe. Aloelbutsy amzanig, huh."    The doctor wonders if the Cambridge researchers began their project after peering over the doc's shoulder as he typed into his word processor.  Oct. 3, 2001  I am turning you in. You gave me a virus.    Maybe you are not aware that your site resorts to that. Maybe you are totally innocent, but after doing the "Favorites List," the list was someone else's ... not mine.    AOL told me I got a virus from it. Maybe you need to check on that. -- User291495, via AOL    The doctor gets mail like this every now and then after computer users become enraged over one thing or another. In every case, rage such as this is aimless and pointless. The doc's Web site doesn't give viruses to anyone, and "doing the 'Favorites List'" (whatever that means) isn't an activity one associates with innocence or guilt.    The doc understands rage and anger; after all, this is a trying time for all of us. But it is wasted on such a petty misunderstanding of how the world works. Oct. 5, 2005    There's no reason to try to have a serious discussion with you. -- V.P., via Yahoo.    The doc agrees. Oct. 6, 2004    Until you know whats going on and have more than an (expletive deleted) clue for suggestions I would have to say keep you mouth shut and think about the end result of you suggestions if they are even possible to begin with. Lets see you design and market an OS equal or greater than Windows or continue to just (expletive deleted) and moan. -- Mail sent with no name.    The doctor would have liked to have seen a name on this letter. Standing up for what you believe means standing up in the open. Oct. 10, 2001    The kids tried to download something on our new PC. I can't connect to the Web, but can get and receive email. I don't know if their download is the reason. When I try to get a Web site, it says "Action Cancelled." I use Windows Millennium. Also, on our desktop screen it says "The shortcut 'AGS Satellite.lnk refers to a location that is unavailable." I can get rid of that message, but there is one that says "FATAL" that won't go away. It says, "Could not create socket." How can I get rid of that? - Vicky, via AOL    The doc urges a common-sense tactic. The PC is new, and that means it is under warranty, and that, in turn, means the store that sold it and the company that built it will fix it if you tell them to. That's what warranties are for.    Most computer users do not realize that their PCs are covered by the same kind of warranties that their TVs and cars are. When you can't pick up channel 13 on your new Sony Trinitron, you make sure the store fixes it. When your new Ford won't start, you have the dealer fix it.    When your computer won't do what it is supposed to do, you have the store or the manufacturer fix it. When it's out of warranty, your brother-in-law or an advice columnist are suitable choices. When it's still under warranty, take advantage of the warranty you paid for and get it fixed.    The doc realizes that this kind of advice seems crazy to most PC users. Alone among all consumer products, most Windows PCs waltz out of stores by the millions and never return, for any reason; their owners never consider the most obvious of consumer tenets: The thing you bought should work right. PC manufacturers and the stores that sell Windows computers must be laughing all the way to the bank Oct. 18, 2000    Recently my sister separated from her husband. The other night she was typing in Microsoft Word while connected to the Internet. She was not on any web site at the time. While she was typing , threatening words appeared across the bottom of the screen. Her husband is a computer nut so she is sure they came from him. My question is, how can he access her computer this way, and is there any way she can prevent this from happening? -- X, via e-mail    The doctor is withholding the identify of the reader to protect everyone involved. This could be a very serious matter or it could be nothing more than ann odd coincidence.    The doc wants everyone to realize that we don't need to be on a Web site to be connected to someone who is on the Internet; any time our computers are hooked up to the Internet, we are connected to the world.    But X's sister needs to contact her lawyer if she believes her estranged husband is doing something like this, since there are federal laws that cover this kind of thing. Her lawyer should get an order signed by him and his lawyer that he will not come onto her premises physically or electronically. And he should be required to pay for the reinstallation (by an independent professional at a local store) of her entire PC software so that she will be sure nothing like this can happen again. Oct. 23, 2002    To dude,    I heard do you have a referance of runescape and that this program is capible of raising the level of your character on runescape my e-mail is xxxxx@hotmail.com (address disguised by the doctor)    The doc thought perhaps this letter was created by a virus, in a sort of viro-pidgeon English. But he wrote back to the address at the end of the letter and heard from a live human. The good doctor still has no idea what any part of the letter means, but he's come to appreciate the fact that there are at least some humans who speak a dialect of English that is indecipherable. Oct. 24, 2001    You've helped me so much that I simply must reciprocate. I'm planning on sending you a gift for your wife. I do wire-wrapped jewelry as a hobby and want to send you a pendant. Tell me whether she'd like gold or silver and what color stone she'd like. - H., via AOL    The doctor must decline. He cannot accept gifts for helping others, even if they are intended for Mrs. Gizmo. But the offer is very kind. Thank you. Oct. 27, 2004    The Firefox Web browser and Thunderbird e-mail software are great! Thank you very much for recommending them. I hope you keep up the good work. YOU MADE MY DAY! -- R.C., via Road Runner.    The doctor appreciates the comment. He made his own day recently when he installed Firefox himself. Firefox already has millions of users. It's so much safer than Internet Explorer -- and so rich with features -- that the doctor can't in good conscience recommend Internet Explorer any longer. Firefox is free. Get it from www.mozilla.org. Oct. 27, 2004    Why do you think there are so many e-mail scam offers coming from Africa? I've started keeping a file of them, and almost all that I receive are different from one another. -- R.M., via alltell.net    Many of them are from Nigeria, where the Nigerian mob had a lot of influence for years. Before spam and spam-based scams, the Nigerian mob was engaged in telephone and postal scam operations, and they simply expanded into e-mail. Nov. 1, 2000   I have a question that nobody seems to have an answer to. What causes the fatal error message: THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN? I get this a lot running Photoshop and a circuit simulator called Multisim. Is this a Windows problem? -- B.P., via clarityconnect.com    The doctor is appalled that nobody you talked to had the answer. An "illegal operation" happens when a program tries to use memory "owned" by another program or by Windows itself. (There are other "illegal operations," but that's the most common.) It is, indeed, a Windows problem, because the computer's operating system is supposed to prevent such unruly behavior, and it is one reason the good doctor recoils from the term "operating system" when referring to Windows. It is not operating the PC when it fails in such an important task. Nov. 2, 2005   I Just read your partner's Lexmark confessions column in Stars magazine. Cute! One Question: Laser printers seem to be getting cheaper. Is laser ink just as expensive as inkjet ink? Another question: Should I consider one for my next printer? -- J.A., via Road Runner.    The doctor suspects inkjet printers will be around a long time, despite improvements in color laser printers. Even though black-and-white laser printers are surprisingly affordable these days, color versions are still expensive compared to color inkjet printers.    But when color laser printers finish growing up, so to speak, they will offer effective competition to inkjets. This will help drive down the cost of inkjet ink, which is almost unspeakably expensive currently. (The doctor speaks of it, but the subject tends to make him sick. Studies have pegged the real cost of typical inkjet ink at levels that the doctor suspects his readers might not believe -- $3,840 a gallon, based on the cost of an ink cartridge and the tiny amount of ink each one holds.    Fortunately, laser printers don't use ink at all. They use charged particles -- made from powdery carbon, in black-and-white laser printers -- and their "toner" cartridges usually last much longer than the minuscule ink cartridges of most inkjet printers.    The doc recommends a hedge-fund approach. Hedge your bets by using a good inkjet for photo printing and a good black-and-white laser printer for printing reports and letters. That will help you keep your funds intact. Nov. 2, 2005    Doc, Do you think it's OK to leave your computer tower running 24/7 as long as it's not connected to the Internet and the monitor is off? -- David, via Yahoo.    The doctor likes a good snooze every night, and computers need one, too. Not because they get tired, but because running them when they're not being used wastes energy. (Come to think of it, running the doctor when he's not being used wastes energy, too.)    Then there's the safety issue. Windows PCs that are connected to the Internet by always-on broadband connections are vulnerable to attacks from zombies. The doc isn't referring to the living dead but to virus-like infiltrators that prey only on Windows PCs. They secretly install spam relays on computers they infect.    So the doctor recommends that Windows PCs that can't be turned off should at least be disconnected from the Internet when they are sitting idle. But better yet is the use of a switchable power strip; plug the computer into the power strip and turn the strip on. When it's time to shut down your Windows PC, wait until the PC is completely off, then turn off the power strip.    This will keep zombies from turning Windows PCs on during the night. (The doc gets asked this a lot: Can an invading program actually turn on a Windows PC? Yes. automatic turn-on is a function of most modern PCs. You might not know how to activate it, but zombies do.)    Apple's Macintosh computers don't have this failing. Nov. 3, 2004   Doc, in following your instructions to obtain a printout of Internet Favorites, I got a Web page of Favorites but found that the page does not display the actual Web addresses. These only become accessible if I right click on an individual site name and then click the Properties tab. Am I missing something here? -- B.S., via netzero.net.    Internet Explorer's many faults do not include its printing performance. One option that will rescue this is IE's ability to print a table of links. The doctor loved this function before he switched to Firefox and wishes Firefox could pick it up. Open the Favorites page you created, choose "Print" from the "File" menu and choose the option to print a table of links. The addresses will appear at the bottom of the printed version of the bookmarks. Nov. 7, 2000    I've been using the PC's at Manlius Library for the past couple of years. I'm thinking of buying my own PC, mainly for surfing, and to copy about 10,000 architectural 35mm slides of Europe. Some of these slides are now nearing 45 years of age. While I knew of digital cameras, I only became aware of slide scanners thru what your partner wrote in the newspaper.    I'd like to get together with you to get your opinion. Let me at least have the opportunity to treat you to a lunch. -- L.W.S, via Mail2Web    The doctor admires the courage L.W.S. is showing. A project requiring the scanning of 10,000 slides would make even the toughest digital internist faint from exhaustion. The doc used his little calculator to see how long such a project would take, and here are his results:    If you could scan a slide every three minutes, five days a week, eight hours a day, without a vacation, taking only minimal coffee breaks, leaving out all donut breaks and most trips to the water cooler and the bathroom, you'd be scanning slides for about six months before you got them done.    More realistically, considering the lure of coffee, walks in the park and the normal pace of a real life, the doc estimates that scanning 10,000 slides would take you a year and a half of continual work. Clearly that's not what you want to do. The Central New York PC Users Group will be able to steer you to a commercial shop that can handle this task. For information, go to www.cnypcug.org.    As for lunch, the doctor thanks you for the kindness, but he must decline.    (The doc extends his kindest appreciation to the folks who wrote to tell him that his original calculations in this reply were wrong. They were so wrong, in fact, that the doctor even heard from his college algebra instructor, a gentleman well into his senior years, who threatened to remove all traces of the doc's sterling grades from the school's files if the doc didn't quickly make amends.) Nov. 15, 2000   Which is the better way of going about cleaning the heads on your VCR? should they need it. Do you think that buying a head cleaning tape does the trick, or does the old "do-it-yourself" cotton-swab maneuver work? -- P.P., via Hotmail    The doctor likes the idea of head-cleaning tapes for VCRs. Getting a cotton swab into the innards of a video recorder can take all the talents of an operating room and can leave fuzz in the wrong places. But some folks are talented at this sort of thing. The doc's prescription: Keep your fingers, hands, toes and swabs out of the VCR unless you KNOW what you are doing. Nov. 15, 2000    If you were to shut your eyes and direct them straight at the sun continuously (when it is at it's strongest in a hot country like Mauritius) for a few hours, then how dangerous is this in terms of UV exposure to the eyes (not the eyelids).    Attempting to get a quick tan on my face, i did exactly this for a few days, until i felt small sharp pains in my eyes and then i stopped. Since then, i have had no problems.(and intend to fully protect my eyes from now on !) -- S.D., via FSnet (London, England)    The good doctor is a techno-physician and not the other kind, so his advice is purely speculation, and you should ask a medical doctor. But the eyelids are known to provide protection from most UV rays. The layer of skin is not thick enough to protect against all the rays, so you could get some small effects, none permanent, from this. Sun glasses are CHEAP and very useful. Use them next time. Nov. 17, 2004    I have a 722c HP DeskJet printer that I bought in the early '90s. I ran out of ink last week, so I went to Best Buy to get some. They were sold out of what I needed, so I talked to a salesman to see when they would get more. As we were talking, he told me that they had much better printers on sale for $80. He said they have many more dots per inch than what I have. I do not have a digital camera. I mostly print pictures off the internet for CDs I make. Should I invest in a new printer or would Internet pictures look the same? -- B.D., via Road Runner    The doc is sure a new printer will do a better job than B.D.'s decade-old model, but he warns that the real cost of an ink jet printer is what you pay for ink over the life of the unit. Good inkjet printers usually don't consume any more ink than lousy ones, so over a period of, say, five or six years the cost of the printer is almost insignificant compared with the cost of ink.    In other words, the doc recommends buying a good printer, not a cheap one. Factoring in the cost of ink, a good printer might set you back $1,400 over four or five years, while a cheap printer might cost you $1,300. That's hardly enough difference per month to make the poor quality and low-end features of a cheap printer worth considering. Nov. 20, 2002  I've been to three computer stores and a dozen Web sites trying to get the answer to a puzzle posed by one of my students. No one seems to know. So it's up to you, doc.    Here's the puzzle: If User A has a 15-inch computer monitor and User B has a 21-inch monitor, does User B's monitor have more pixels per inch? Don't misunderstand what is being asked here. User A has a smaller monitor so of course his monitor has fewer pixels overall. But measured across the screen, don't both monitors have the same number of pixels in each inch?    We're counting on you, doctor. My students and I are waiting for your answer. -- J.T., Toronto    The answer is both deceptively simple and treacherously complicated. (The doc loves such dichotomies.) All other things being equal, monitors would have about the same number of pixels (separate picture elements) per inch. Consider them to be like window screens. No matter how large or small the screen is, it will have the same number of mosqels (mosquito elements) per inch. Making the window screen larger in overall dimensions doesn't change the number of mosqels per inch.    But, alas, computer screens are not as simple as window screens. As monitors get larger, they get more expensive; because they are making a more expensive product, manufacturers automatically design it better. And that means they usually design it to show more detail in every inch of screen real estate.    In other words, larger display screens usually have more pixels per inch.    Here is a typical listing of pixels per inch (ppi) of various screen sizes, at resolutions typical for each size:    14-inch screen at 800X600 resolution: 78 ppi    15-inch screen at 1024X786 resolution: 93 ppi    17-inch screen at 1024X768 resolution: 81 ppi    17-inch screen at 1152X864 resolution: 91 ppi    19-inch screen at 1152X864 resolution: 81 ppi    19-inch screen at 1280X960 resolution: 90 ppi    21-inch screen at 1280X960 resolution: 81 ppi    21-inch screen at 1600X1200 resolution: 101 ppi Nov. 21, 1999    We have an iMac, but we will be going on a fairly extended vacation and I want to get a notebook computer that is PC-based because I have a program that I want to run when we return. In the meantime our daughter has moved to Bali, Indonesia, and the only way we can contact her is via the Internet. We also want to contact the people who will be checking on our property while we are gone, and my husband would like to be able to keep track of his financial business while we are away. We would like to get a used notebook computer. What are your feelings and where in the Syracuse area would be best place to look? -- P.S. via Road Runner    The doctor likes computers. But taking along a notebook computer on a very long trip for the reasons P.S. gives is not the doc's idea of fun. Notebook computers are even less reliable than desktop computers, and they cost about $1,000 more on average. If that's not enough to convince you, consider that they are far more expensive to repair.    Basically, people who travel should bring a notebook computer if they have no other way of doing whatever they want to do. A telephone call once a week will work fine for contacting people who are checking on property, and phone calls can handle financial business, too. (The telephone did fine for a century or more, in fact.)    The daughter who can't be reached otherwise presents a different problem. The doc knows a lot of people who insist that e-mail is the only way to reach them, and every one of them is telling a gentle fib. Phone calls should work in this situation, too.    Used computers are no bargain unless they are very, very cheap. By "cheap" the doc means all but free. A used desktop computer that's a year or two old should not sell for more than a few hundred dollars.    A used notebook computer? The doctor prescribes a brisk walk -- in a direction opposite that of the seller of the used notebook PC. Notebook PCs take too much abuse and cost far too much to fix. Get a new one. The doc likes iBook computers from Apple. They'll run any Windows program if you pay $50 extra (and if you already have a Windows installation CD). Otherwise you pay $150 extra. Nov. 28, 2001   Can an outside source get access to my "cookies" and from that determine what sites I have visited? More importantly, would this outside source also be able to get, and use, my e-mail address by accessing my cookies? How can anyone get into my cookies list without knowing my e-mail address? -- F.Z.N, via MSN    An outside source gets at the Web cookies already. That's what cookies are for. They're created by your Web browser at the request of a Web site so that the Web site can track you in one way or another.    The doctor regrets to inform F.Z.N. that sites are able to get hold of e-mail addresses in a variety of ways, whether through cookies or not. A site that requests a cookie is able to read that cookie and any others (previous ones, for example) it asked your browser to create. If the cookie contains an e-mail address, it can be read by that site.    Worse yet, if your browser is sloppy (and most current ones are), it can pass along information about you from one site to the next. Windows users should use Cookie Pal or WebWasher to guard their privacy. Both products are mentioned in the Internet column in this issue. Nov. 28, 2001  I saw somewhere that when you go to Web sites it's better to avoid clicking on your Favorites menu or toolbar button and instead just type in the Web name. They say it's more dependable. Is that true, doc? -- Dan, via Dreamscape    The doc would love to find little tricks that keep Windows 95, 98 and Me from acting like Windows 95, 98 and Me, but this one isn't even in the running. It's a hoax. Dec. 15, 2004    I'd like to wish you and your wife all the best this season and to thank you for all the help and valuable information you put on the 'Net every week. You're a wonderful asset. PS: Your mother told me to say this. -- J.M., via jetstream.net.    The doc's mom is always interfering with things. But the good electrophysician loves her dearly anyway. Dec. 20 , 2000   In looking for temporary files to delete, I came across over 5,000 files in the Temporary Internet Files folder in Windows. Most are GIF files (images) and some are cookies and other stuff. I cannot delete them the way I can delete other files. Windows won't let me delete them all at once. Should I not worry about them or is there some way to delete them in mass? -- W.B., via Road Runner    Deleting them in Massachusetts is a fine idea, W.B. Oh, sorry. The doctor needs to be more serious. No matter which Web browser you are using, you should always deal with Web-cache files through the browser's own menus. Don't delete them yourself. In some cases, the operating system won't even let you delete them yourself.    Use the menu. You'll find it under "Tools" or "Options" in Internet Explorer and under "Edit" and then "Preferences," then "Advanced" in Netscape Navigator. You'll find an explanation of this here: www.technofileonline.com/texts/bit031499.html. Dec. 26, 2001    I've noticed that you and your buddy often mention Bratislava in your articles and on the air. I thought you might like to know that Bratislava is a real place. It has a real Web site, too: www.bratislava.sk. -- M.G., via Centrum.sk, Bratislava, Slovakia    The doc's references to Bratislava took advantage of a play on words. When the doctor has written and talked about teenage hackers, he has sometimes described the generic teen hacker as a "brat from Bratislava." The doc meant no offense against Bratislavans. After looking at the city's Web site, the doctor would hardly characterize the fine citizens depicted on the Web in such a way again.    The doc found it odd that no one from Bratislava had complained about the insulting word, but further examination (lexicographically speaking, not on an examination table, of course) turned up the fact that Bratislavans consider "Brat" a friendly term. It means "brother" in Slovakian slang. May 30, 2001   I don't really believe you exist. I always wondered how you could find the time to do so many things. But I've figured it all out. I am convinced you are computer-generated. -- J.P., via Road Runner    How anyone could suggest that the doctor is not flesh and blood is hard to QUERTY zzzAPPzz !USER ERROR! COMPUTER GENERATED FIGURE OUT OF MEMORY! REBOOT! May 22, 2002    For some time, I have suspected that you and Al Fasoldt were one in the same. After seeing a letter I wrote to Al Fasoldt featured prominently in the doctor's newspaper column, I am convinced. -- J.U., via Road Runner    Al Fasoldt and the good doctor are very close friends, but assumptions that they are actually the same person masquerading as two individuals are bound to lead to little more than confusion. Life is confusing enough without adding this kind of strain. Comments Tom Andrews: The retrospective answered some questions, but left out some very important ones. For example, how did the Doc come to start writing his column? Knowing the both of you as I do, I'd speculate something like this: You consulted with the Doc during the early years when you came across a particularly knotty problem in a letter, probably 8 or 10 times a week. As one who knows it all, Doc gave you a perfectly good answer to the question, and you'd pass it along to the unsuspecting questioner. Unfortunately, there were far too many times when you garbled the Doc's answer to the point of being beyond recognition. The Doc, in self-defense, resorted to the if-you-want-something-done-right-you-have-to-do-it-yourself philosophy, and a star was born. Am I close? How is the Doc doing these days, anyway? I hope he's doing something sensible, like meditating in a Tibetan monastery. I worry that he'll try to drown his sorrows by prowling the dark underbelly of the Internet, wreaking vigilante vengence on unsuspecting spammers or swooping down on innocent spyware authors. Something like that can only lead to trouble down the road. Please try to keep him in check until he can handle his emotions, for the sake of the Internet if nothing else. We need him. There are so many innocents left to save.

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